Thursday deep thinks

Good morning happy shiny people who have not been eaten by Zombies or have had the life sucked from you by teenagers (slurp slurp).

I am really tired this week, and am totallah rethinking what I'm going to be doing in the coming months. Following is a lot of crap, but it alleviates the monotony of a world about to plunge into recession. I hope no bacon plants will be closing down!

1. I love recipes, but I'm tired. Really tired. And not that hungry

Sometimes girlfriend just wants a slice o cheese occasionally and not a casserole, and coming up with recipes is really a lot of work. crapcrapcrap not redo what others have done and take crapcrapcrap in my creativitah, butbutbut at the same time, crapcrap crapcrapcrapcrap stuffyaddacr apcrapcrap. Schloooooooooooop.

I was thinking crapcrapcrap stuff stuff crap crap stuff slinkies fun for a girl or a boy crap crap crap crap well after all they go down stairs alone or in pairs crappy crap crap.

Let's just say that these days, if cheese came in a can, I'd be there with a spoon and a muumuu.

Crap crap crap stuff stuff crap, "Ooh! this could be hoots in Hootieville" (sounds like they have good chicken wings and scantily clad barmaidens), but let's face it. Crap crap crap crappy crapology craparific crapness on crap.

Mr. Potatohead crap crap crap because his ears really have attached lobes which hello who has attached lobes?! Very few!

So believe me whan I say crap crap crap crap I'm a Toys R Us kid. Crappy crap crap. And such.


2. I like having fun while giving helpful information

As someone who writes crap, THIS is my niche. I like to think I make people smile. Or laugh. Or think. Or contemplate their bellybutton contents. Or stab blunt objects into their eyesockets. OK, well not that last bit. Unless you live in Moose Lake and your name is Homer. Because I'm watching you boy!

I'm not really into the static follow-the-routine type of person who writes crap. I am going to bust a move now and announce the following:

I have no clue what I'm doing next. Crap!

I will invariably change my mind later (I'm a girl and like shiny things), but for the time being, crap seen is because I promised recipes for friends (tamales as an example), and not because I imposed a self-deadline to thrill a nation's tastebuds with its eyes. Because, face it, that sounds a little creepy.

I wonder if people sprain their butts?

So, that said, I am going to enjoy my day, write some crap, and think about what I can do to pay it forward without sucking my soul dry and turning Emo.

Because, as a former goth, I can tell you what: these kids today have NO idea how hard it was to score a bus pass back in the day. We had to walk uphill, both ways, to Denny's to score cheap clove cigarettes and conversation about Bauhas and existentialism. It was rough. Now these kids have their Gap cards and their Clairol hair color. I'm just sayin'!

Talk to you soon (and hopefully more often and less about how crappy I am--because honeys, there is not enough crappy crapmatic for this girl right now.)

3. What's your plan for this week, low-carb believers?

Stick to your weight loss eating and healthy lifestyles, and pick one thing you're going to do better this week.

What will you choose? Keep your menu in fitday? Drink more water? Add 5 minutes of exercise? Call a friend to give support?

Thank you for reading!

Cookbook winner! YAY!

The winner of the Jennifer Eloff cookbook is...


Jessica C!

I am going to mail that out to you this week!

Thanks so much for entering everyone! I appreciate it!


I am such a bum these days. I'm on the verge of tears right now because I am doing too much these days and am at the end of my low-carb licorice rope. I am going to hug some kids and think about balance.

Speak to you soon, and thanks for your continued support.

I totally forgot! Look! Pretty leaves

Oooh. Prettyyyy...

There are days when I wonder if my head is even attached.

I promised a cook book giveaway! Please read the review here.

To enter the drawing for Jennifer Eloff's amazing Dessert Cookbook, please email cleochatra@gmail.com and put this in your title: "Jennifer Eloff giveaway" along with your home address.

Next Wednesday morning I will draw a name and ship the book to the winner!

Names are printed out from the main email page, and one will be randomly drawn from a bowl (high tech stuff). I always delete personal information after the contest and never pay attention to addresses. Your private information is always respected.

I am a bum for not writing sooner! I am a bum! A bummy bum. The biggest bummy bum bum.

I am in the throes of the 100 recipes in 100 days and I'm thinking, "I thought this was a good idea when?" It's been chaos. Still, keep sending what you'd like to see in a recipe, and, over the next three months, I will share new and exciting recipes with you for holidays, Holy Days and hungry days.

Welcome to my anticipatory heck

But more on that soon.*

Time goes by too too fast.

I have been so busy, I never told you I launched an initiative! 100 recipes in 100 days.


100 Recipes in 100 Days

That's right! On my very hip Examiner.com column I am sharing some kick-fanny recipes like those low-carb egg noodlies above-- 100 recipahs (oh that's right. I said 100) over the next three months, all aimed at making low-carbing fun, delicious and sustainable.

Oh yes I am. Snap! I'm working it. Oh yeah. Uh huh. Who's yo Betty FlaxCracker now!

So far, I'm in 4 recipes, since I began this week and didn't tell you (but I was thinking it!--what, you can't read minds?! What the heck is your problem).

I have recipes, recipes, recipes to share, and most of them are gluten-free, all are low-carb, and they're sexier than a pair of Manolo's (oh no I di'unt).

So subscribe and be ready. They're coming, and they're going to also be pertinent to the holidays coming up. I admit I was a bit of a lamer for Rosh Hashannah. I am a shiksele and my father only raised me as a lukewarm Jew. He celebrated both Hanukkah and Christmas because the man loved giving presents (miss you dad!).

He had the lamest little Menorrah, too, but it was totally rad. It was carved from wood and it held birthday candles. He was a batchelor with a wood router, so what can you do, right? It's the thought that counts.

Cook book giveaway this week
Because I can't come and cook for you in your own home (you promised me a room, but you never told me it was with Aunt Edith, and man that woman breaks wind in her sleep like nobody's business), stay tuned for a cook book giveaway this coming Thursday (my fave day of the week)!

Low-carb queen Jennifer Eloff blessed me with a dessert cook book (girl needs to send me a cake!), so I am going to give a very awesome reader one of them! Her dessert cook book is oh so prittay and will be reviewed this week, along with the announcement for the contestarooni.

The whole Pirate caption contest didn't work quite as well as I'd hoped, but you know what? We're all funny, hip, happening and trendy, so no more trying to prove ourselves in front of an audience. I'm removing that social pressure.

We're just giving these bad boys away.


So what else, what else

I am finally getting over the whole ankle issues (I fell in a hole and sprained both at once on like the second day of school) and look forward to hitting the treadmill again. I hate sitting on my wide load all day long without the walking to look forward to,.

I know it sounds sick. "Oh my Goshes! Jamie likes to walk? She is so full of it!"

Let me tell you what, girlfriends and boyfriends, this honey likes to walk--when I'm watching tv! I am a born-again science fiction geekette, so I was just beginning to get into Scott Bakula and Enterprise when I was time-warped into ankle boots and bad shoes. Suffice it to say, I am walking tomorrow night, even if I'm in a wheelchair.

That's right. I said wheelchair. Because just wait. Something is GOING to happen to me sometime before today and tomorrow night.


*Have I ever told you I'm a klutz?

I am a TOTAL anti-grace kind of girl. I have fallen off of my front porch. Twice. In one weekend. In front of the same neighbor.

I am SO not going into that story, but these things always happen to me. I'm the model you see on tv who falls into the hole or off of the stage. Only I'm not a model. They would never trust me with the clothes, even if I was thin enough to wear them. The other day I was sitting in the car putting hand lotion on my hands on my way to an appointment. The stuff was totally 'being that way', so I thwapped the bottle. SPLOOT! All over my new top was a huge pile of white stuff. It looked like I'd just given Dolly Madison a happy ending.

That is my luck. So stay tuned and find out what happens to me between today and tomorrow when I REALLY hope to be back on the treadmill ambling along at breakneck speed (well, like more than waddling speed).

And remember! cookbook giveaway and more recipes than you can shake a cauliflower breadstick at!

Thanks for your emails, by the way! I am still catching those up. I decided to clean the game closet today and now there are splayed bits of Milton Bradley carcasses all over my living areas. My husband is going to walk in the door and say, "So you've been cleaning again, hey? How's that working out for you?"