Throwing up on the Cat

Do you ever have those days when you want to act out against a creature that's been causing you grief with extreme pleasure for a long period of time?

Today is just one of those days when all of my femininity goes out of the window and I want to locate our pet and just let loose on her favorite pillow. Or her Barbie. Or her good shoes. Bwaaaaaahhhhh!!! followed by an unimpressed gesture of, "Oh look. Oh WELL."

I see that cat with those indifferent eyes and I think to myself that there's got to be some way to send the message home that throwing up on my stuff is not acceptable. Do I throw up on the cat's things? No. Some of us have a little common decency. That, or cats don't understand toilets, unless drinking from them.

Which my cat does.

Because that's the way she rolls.

Oopsie Panini

Picture by babydollsea: Oopsie batter poured into a pan makes this delicious sandwich, compliments of babydollsea.

You don't need a panini maker to achieve delicious panini success.



Oopsie Paninis

4 eggs, separated
4 ounces cream cheese
1/8 tsp cream of tartar
1 packet splenda

*Roasted vegetables (see recipe below)


Preheat oven to 300 degrees.

Grease jelly roll pan, or line with parchment paper or silpat.

With a mixer, whip egg whites with cream of tartar until stiff peaks form. In another mixing bowl, mix yolks with cream cheese and Splenda until just blended. Carefully fold yolk mixture into the whites.

Pour into prepared jelly roll pan. Bake until springy and dry, about 30 minutes.

Cut Oopsie "bread" into 16 pieces.

Stack with roasted vegetables*, goat cheese, kalamata olives and a few slices of leftover turkey tenderloin or other thin-sliced meat you may have.

"I "grilled" on a George Forman Grill (don't have a panini maker). I still got the nice grill marks. It was all melty warm and delish!" --babydollsea



* Roasted Vegetables

Preheat oven to 450F.

Drizzle 2 tbsp olive oil on a jelly roll pan.

Add roughly chopped one of each:

• red pepper
• green pepper
• orange pepper
• banana pepper
• a few slices of red onion
• 1 tbsp each of fresh herbs (parsley, thyme, oregano)
• salt and pepper
• 1/2 tsp fennel seed

Toss it up and roast for 30 to 40 minutes.


Makes enough for 8 panini.

Pizzelles and Cannoli... oopsie style

Pictures by babydollseas. Top: Pizzelles as they appear post-baking; Middle: Cannoli with edges dipped in pistachios; Bottom: Nothing says loving from the Pizzelle maker like cannoli.


When you started Atkins (or another lower-carb program, or gluten-free plan), you probably fell --swooning across your fainting couch-- and lamented how austere life would be minus those foods and little indulgences you thought you would forever be without since nixing the sugar and the flour from your life.

Well, ha, I say!

Ha! And ha again!

babydollsea, with her grandmother's pizzelle (Italian waffle cookie) maker, has put oopsie rolls to the test, yet again.

The results?

Two delicious variations on the oopsie theme.




Pizzelles


3 eggs, separated
3 ounces cream cheese
1 packet Splenda
1/8 tsp cream of tartar


With a mixer, whip egg whites with cream of tartar until stiff peaks form.

In a separate bowl, mix cream cheese with yolks and Splenda until just blended. Gently fold mixture into whites.

Pour into pizzelle form and bake.

Makes 16.

Nutritional information per pizzelle:

Cal 29
Fat 2 g
Fiber 0
Pro 2 g
Carb 1 g




Cannoli

3 Pizzelles (as made above)

1 cup Ricotta (must be dry)
1 oz. cream cheese
Splenda, to taste
¼ tsp cinnamon
¼ tsp vanilla
Pistachios, chopped
¼ tsp orange extract

Spread pizzelles on a work surface.

With the exception of the Pistachios, mix remaining ingredients together.

Fill Pizzelles, each with 1/3 of the prepared mixture. Sprinkle with,or dip ends in, pistachios. Present seam-side down.

Makes 3.

My Pizza, Not Your Pizza, and Polite Company

My husband just called me on the phone a few minutes ago to say that I've been invited to partake in pizza tonight at work with a couple of other spousal units and their husbands. (You ever notice that late work nights minus overtime can be spun into working dinners when people are invited in for food? I think my Jewish father came up with the scenario. "Feed their wives and they will hurt you ever slightly less for your late hours.")

I asked my husband if I could bring my own cauliflower crust recipe to the pizza feast. He sighed, because he claims he remembered the oopsie roll burger incident in the Red Robin.

I have no such recollected moment of such an event as having taken place in that said restaurant particularly as described.

(ahem)

That said, I'm taking one of the cauliflower ones I'll have made, and I am going to sit and lavishly eat it. In front of everyone. Slowly. And with extreme prejudice. Like in those slow-motion ads, only I'll only be humming the music in my head, and not out loud like last time.

And then I'm going to look at people while they have their pizza on their plates, smiling and visiting politely over dinner.

And I'm going to say very softly while I'm looking at my pizza, "My pizza is better than your pizza."

And then I'll look at someone else and say, "Mine's better than yours," and I'll take a bite and chew slowly.
And I'm going to take another bite and smile reallly big like this. With eyes squinted in ecstasy, I'm going to look at someone else and mouth, "Mine... better... yours..." Then point to my pizza. Then point to their pizza. Then to mine. Then to theirs. Mine. Theirs. Miiiine... better.

I'll look over to the person to the right of me. I'll smile in an inviting and socially approachable way, and then motion towards them with a hand brandishing a Virgin piece of pizza. I'll say, "Would you like a bite of this? It is really good."

And I'll lean over like I'm going to put that piece right in their mouth, all sweet and warm.

And then, as his or her mouth parts in anticipation, I'll slowly crane the pizza in a large, slow circle back to me and say, "But ohhhh no. This is mah pizza." And then I'll take a bite and chew it very slowly in front of that person. "Mahhhh pizza!"



Do you think this could create some awkward social moments?

It's not like I make bionic noises when I move the pizza in slow motion. Anymore.

More Oopsie Humor

Pictures: Top, from icanhascheeseburger.com; Next: the amazing PennInk shows us what oopsies can do for Monster Trucks; Third Picture: Jabba the Hut likes Oopsies; Last: Save, Me Luke! I fear an oopsie malfunction! The hilarious rendering is by Wifezilla.


I am still laughing this morning, as continued oopsie sightings and photo shoppings are cropping up like bad wrestling pants on 90's Dress-up Day (oh just you wait, kids of the 90's! Those days are coming, along with the ear hair.)

Oopsie Chocolate Eclaire Cake

pictures by babydollsea: Top: Are you ready for dessert? Beautiful; Middle: Oopsie batter which looks wot like a cake! Bottom: Behold the beauty of the layered oopsie.

Just when you thought the venerable oopsie had run its course, I say to you, "Nay! For babydollsea brings you good tidings of happy culinary moments, brought to you by chocolate and oopsies."

Do you really think we're going to run out of recipes?

There are more clever people out there coming up with this stuff everyday. You can't shake a stick at these folks. They're armed with their cunning, their wit, and--most importantly-- their oopsies. And they're not afraid to use them.

So, Ron, the Donutless Low-Carb Man, here is that chocolate eclaire oopsie cake that I was telling you about.



babydollsea's Oopsie Chocolate Eclaire Cake

2 eggs
6 ounces cream cheese
2 packets Splenda
1/4 tsp cream of tartar

1 large package of vanilla pudding mix, sugar free
2 cups milk*
1 Tbsp vanilla flavoring
1 Tbsp davinci's flavored vanilla syrup

1 small package sugar-free chocolate pudding mix
1-1/2 cups milk*


Preheat oven to 300 degrees.

Grease a 9 X 13 inch baking pan.

In two separate mixing bowls, separate and place the yolk in one bowl and the white in another. In the bowl with the white, add cream of tartar. Whip at high speed or until very stiff peaks form. In the bowl with the yolk, add cream cheese, 1/2 of the pudding mix, vanilla, davincis sugar free syrup, and Splenda, and mix for 10 seconds, or until resembling runny scrambled eggs (you don't want a completely smooth batter).

Carefully fold the yolk into the whites.

Bake for 35 minutes.

While the batter is baking, make a pudding with 2 cups milk and the remaining pudding mix. Chill until set.

Make a second pudding with chocolate mix and only 1-1/2 cups milk. hill until set.

Once the cake base is removed from the oven, let cool. Cut into thirds and place the first third in a loaf pan. Layer 1/2 of the chilled pudding over the first layer. Follow with another slice of cake and the other half of the pudding. Finally, place the third oopsie layer on the top.

Over this, top with chocolate pudding layer.

Serve immediately, or keep chilled in the refrigerator.


Notes: this recipe is lower-carb, but it's not low-low, due to the amount of milk used in the recipe. It is not induction-friendly, so don't go getting any funny ideas out there, you rascals.

*If you're a South Beach person, you'll want to use skim milk; for the Atkineers out there, go for the full-fat.

May the Oopsies Be With You

Photoshopping done by the very talented XSugarBabe

Long Ago
In a Galaxy Far, Far Away...
There was a blogger who came upon a
fortuitous mistake in her kitchen. It was then that the oopsie
was given form from nothingness, and permeates the galaxy...

I've been laughing my rear end off at Active Low Carber Forums this last week with a group of folks who have be doubled over in laughter over a topic that we have probably seen a little of (or, for some, enough of).

Case in point:

Oopsie rolls.

You've heard of them. We've all heard of them. This blog's over 38,000 page views means others are hearing of them. A schlub like me doesn't become well-known because of my hair (It is pretty good hair though).

It's spawning legends, some pretty darned funny commentary, and pictures that made me almost fall out of my chair when I saw them...

Read this thread and laugh along.

I'm serious. From everyone, including the author of the thread, XSugarBabe, LessLiz, PJ and her bright pink Oopsie and rendering of my face, I am spitting Diet beverages everywhere.

So, if you're sick to bloody death of oopsies, hearing of oopsies, and how they save marriages, have provided short-term housing for flood disaster victims, and make people lose even more weight, read along, laugh, and know we're all in for the ride together.


Long live the oopsie, o bread to my Baconator!

And long live the humor of great folks like those at Active Low Carber Forums.

Cauliflower as Lasagna?

Pictures: Top: This is what the lasagna looks like fresh from the oven; Next picture: This is the lasagna the next day. Holds its form well, and tastes wonderful; Third picture: Fresh and prepared toppings really add flavor and color to this dish; Fourth picture: After layering, but before baking; Fifth picture: The lasagna is done after 45 minutes!

My kids ate this today, having no idea that it contained cauliflower; of course, all they know is that they think it tastes like lasagna they are accustomed to. I don't know what the deal is with cauliflower, but I'm in love with this stuff.

I think I'm going to make earrings out of heads of cauliflower just to show my adoration. Or shave my legs. You know, something monumental.

My Cauliflower Lasagna

1 cup (about 5 ounces) cooked cauliflower, grated, riced or shredded
2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese (6 ounces)
1 egg
*½ cup ricotta cheese (3.5 ounces)
3/4 cup tomato sauce or alfredo (6-7 ounces)
Toppings (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Spray the inside of a glass bread pan (9X3) with non-stick spray.

Mix prepared, riced cauliflower with one cup of the mozzarella and the egg in a bowl.

To arrange:

1. Layer the bottom with ¼ cup sauce. Distribute gently with a spoon. Do not add toppings yet.

2. Layer with 1/2 of the cauliflower mix. Press down very gently with fingers after distributing evenly.

3. Layer with 1/2 of the ricotta by dotting it on in small piles and then spreading slightly.

4. Add 1/2 of the remaining sauce. With a spoon, spread and slightly mix the two layers (ricotta and sauce) for better coverage.

5. Add half of the toppings you’ve prepared. (If there are none, proceed to the next step.)

6. Layer with ½ of the mozzarella cheese.

7. Add the rest of the cauliflower mix and spread and press down gently. (I use my hands)

8. Add the rest of the sauce.

9. Add the rest of the toppings. (If there are none, proceed to the next step)

10. Add the rest of the ricotta and spread with a spoon as possible. It will be a little more bumpy, so no worries if the uniformity isn't there.

11. Add the rest of the mozzarella cheese.

Bake in a 350 degree oven for 45 minutes, or until bubbly and the cheese is golden/brown. Let rest for 15 minutes before serving.

Can be stored in the refrigerator or frozen and reheated.

*If you have no ricotta, you substitute ½ cup cottage cheese (4 ounces), mixed with 2 tsp parsley and ¼ cup Parmesan cheese (2 ounces).

Serves 6-8. Can be doubled.

Nutritional Information for the base lasagna (toppings will change numbers).

With ricotta:

Nuritional information for each of 6 servings:
Calories: 166
Net Carbohydrates: 5
(Total Carbohydrates: 6
Fiber: 1g)
Protein: 15 g
Fat: 9 g

Nutritional Information for each of 8 servings:

Calories: 128
Net Carbohydrates: 3.5
(Total Carbohydrates: 4.5
Fiber: 1g)
Protein: 11 g
Fat: 7g

*With cottage cheese/parmesan blend:

Nutritional information for each of 6 servings:

Calories: 165
Net Carbohydrates: 5
(Total Carbohydrates: 6
Fiber: 1g)
Protein: 15 g
Fat: 9 g

Nutritional Information for each of 8 servings:

Calories: 123
Net Carbohydrates: 3.5
(Total Carbohydrates: 4.5
Fiber: 1g)
Protein: 11 g
Fat: 7g

Continuation on a theme.... and Cauliflower as breadsticks?!

How about WAY, Garth!

That's right. Not only does the recipe I gave to you good folks yesterday make pizza crust, but my 6 year old just gave me two thumbs up for the bread sticks accompanying the pizza!

Again, the pizza is able to be held in the hand, as are the bread sticks.

What kind of pizza did I make tonight?


Better Than Papa Murphy's Cowboy Pizza

Prepared cauliflower pizza crust baked at 450 degrees and ready for toppings
pesto (or red sauce)
Mozzarella cheese
Pepperoni
chorizo
mushrooms, sliced
green pepper, chopped into chunks
red onion, chopped
topped with a bit more cheese

Follow the pizza recipe for the crust. Add the toppings in order. Place under a broiler until the cheese is melted.





The bread sticks recipe is easy! Prepare enough dough for pizza and get these bread sticks in the oven before the first pizza batch.


I can't believe they're cauliflower breadsticks!


A batch of Cauliflower pizza dough (mixed but not baked)
mozzarella cheese
garlic salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

In a greased 9X3 loaf pan, press about 1-1/2" deep cauliflower pizza dough. If any is left, use for pizza.

Bake at 350 for 20-30 minutes, or until set. With a spatula loosen the dough around the edges and remove the square of dough to a greased cookie sheet.

With a pizza cutter, slice strips through the set dough. Separate slightly. Sprinkle with garlic salt and/or extra mozzarella cheese. Bake at 450 degrees until the top browns.


Once the oven is preheated to 450 degrees, it is easy to pop in a couple of pizza crusts as well.

Serve with marinara sauce (optional).

I Can't Believe it's Cauliflower Pizza Crust!

Pictures: Top: The crust, as it looks when it is baked in the oven initially; picture two: Topped with just cheese and sauce and pepperoni, and under the broiler; 3. Out of order, but this is how well it holds up in my hand; 4. The thickness of the slices on the pan; 5. Loaded down with a LOT of vegetable toppings (ingredients follow below***), it's still hand-hold worthy. And did I mention delicious?


I was looking through some old college recipe books some friends and I put together back in the day, and found a recipe that was for a gluten-free pizza crust. So I played with the recipe, made a couple of calculations and guesses on ingredients and flavorings, some low-carb substitutions which would still yield a low-carb crust, and came up with a pretty amazing pizza.

My kids didn't even know it was cauliflower. And when they found out, the have been bugging me to make more, because they can't get over how very much they like this recipe. I have to make a run to the store this morning for more cauliflower, as a result! They don't even like other pizzas this much! I had to snap pictures quickly, because people kept trying to eat the props!

And it's induction-friendly! (The crust is, but, as always watch your toppings and cheese amounts)


You Won't Believe it's Cauliflower Pizza Crust

Please check this link for the recipe (link fixed--sorry, guys!)

Yoga Pants

OK. I'm going to be really honest here. I hate the pants for a reason. They're just so artsy. Like I'm supposed to eat something made with mangos and become one with my inner ramma lamma.

More importantly, I have to shave my legs. That's really the crux of it. I either have to shave my legs or get in touch with my ramma lamma in my house. And sometimes I need to shop.

I don't even like shaving or dealing with shaving.

It’s exceedingly rare, but there are those triumphant moments stolen during the day occasionally when the kids finally scatter and you have an entire floor to yourself. It’s only natural that in these moments of quiet, you grab the bottle of Nair and decide it’s time to deforest some of the old growth.

I slathered some of the depilatory on my top lip. Almost immediately, the skin was chemically aflame like Michael Jackson’s hair in a Pepsi ad. In a hurry, I was able to remove the substance before the burns set in too deeply (the scarring should go away eventually).

Well, how do you like them hairy horse apples! I’d apparently used Bikini Nair on my face.

With a wet washcloth attempting to coddle away the stabbing pain, I grabbed a different bottle that promised it was ‘more gentle for faces’ than the bikini cream (why did I buy bikini cream? I haven’t shown any navel since I peeled my last orange) and opted to smoothed that cool, white substance under my nose and under my chin instead. All was well. Sure, I now looked like the Big Lebowski. Still, the Dudette Abides.

I looked at the Nair for bikinis and slapped some decidedly on each lower leg.

I admit I don’t remove hair from my legs very often. I mean, who has time? I am usually busy running around after four kids, half of whom exhibit pretty obvious cases of high-functioning autism. The other half are either menstruating or about to menstruate-- at any given time.

Adding to this, the last time I tried to shave my legs, Al Gore called me on the phone. He said, “Excuse me, Jamie. I hate to bother you, but I hear you’re going to deforest your legs?”

I said, “Well, sure, Mr. Gore.”

“Could you please not do that?” he continued in his sing-song southern drawl. “Deforestation is one of the most difficult issues we face in the wilderness as our Earth hangs in its delicate balance.”

Oh sure. The Gorminator is telling me to leave the ecosystem on my calves intact, but I have bigger issues around the corner with shorts season. The last time I tried to wear capris locally with sandals, a swank young mother complimented me on my Ugg mukluk boots.

I was past using a razor. I was past using weed whackers. I was now slathering WMD—Weapons of Mass Depilation -- on my legs. And why not! This is my time. In the bathroom, hidden behind the door, and with no one to disturb me, or to ask me why I’m shaving my legs with a pet groomer in the back yard (again), I lavished the cream on my legs. Then came the small howls of a wee little man.

Jacques was a petit Quebecois who had built a platform in one of the old growth tree hairs below my left kneecap. “Ooooh non! Non! Go away, bad perzhon!” he howled, as he waved his hands desperately. The cream came closer to his makeshift hovel. He’d been penned up there for quite some time, hoping to wait out the clear cutting of leg hairs that was going to commence at some point.

“Hey there, little man,” I asserted as a miniscule beret hit my thumb, “Live on a platform and not bathe for 68 days, and all you might have to show for it are potential chemical burns from hair cream. It’s part of the job hazards, buddy.”

I made a concerted effort to steer clear of the small protester out of courtesy. Unfortunately, I found getting around the folks spiking the hairs and handcuffing themselves to some of the older stalks was a little more complex. Still, gotta love their moxie.

I still had some bikini Nair left in the tube when all was said and done, so I threw off my tshirt and starting dabbing my armpits with the stuff haphazardly. I figured if I wasn’t going to try my trick of corn rowing hair all the way from my head to my ankles (they didn’t invite me back for “Wild Kindergarten Mom Talent Night”), I might as well get rid of that, too.

That’s when the phone rang.

It was Leonardo DiCaprio. “Hey. I just wanted to say that Jacques called me.”

“How does he get reception? I can’t even get reception.” Such a tiny little phone.

“Listen. He’s pretty upset. Why don’t you cut the guy a little slack and stop the devastation?”

“Hey, you listen,” I said, now cross, “Mr. I’m the King of the World in a Prius. You try having such long hair on your legs that your Viet Nam vet father has flashbacks when he sees your ankles. It’s not cool, man. I get this stuff stuck in escalators.”

“Who are you talking to?” I looked over and saw my younger son, who was now ‘frightened younger boy who saw his mom slathered to her pits in Nair Pina Colada Bikini cream having an annoyed discussion with a very small leg hair’. Luckily, son dropped the conversation issue abruptly and ran off yelling, “AhaAa! Mom had weird stuff on her face!”

Later that evening, after working out, I showed my husband that I had successfully removed hair from both legs as I ran through the room on the way to the shower. He surprised me when he said, “Lift your arms.”

I did.

“What happened?!” he looked oddly bemused. That tends to worry me.

I looked down and realized the bottle must have run out of cream about half way through the job. I had one really hairy armpit and one as fresh and clean as Lindsay Lohan 10 minutes out of rehab.

“It’s DiCaprio’s fault,” I declared. I scowled and made my fingers into a little pinch in the air.

Those little phones…

Quit Being a Clutter Nutter Butter

Pictures: top: My mother's buttons and some of her special meaningful items that were sitting in a jewelry box gathering dust I framed and kept. The skeleton key actually works an old lock to my husband's mother's house. bottom: More frames with mom's things in them. The cross in the leftmost picture was hers (I think it belonged to her great grandmother). In the middle picture, the heart in the lower left was one of my most-prized pins from the 70's. In the right picture, a "J" pendant that dangled from a long-lost chain sits in with some of my favorite buttons my mother saved.

(I always come up with the mature titles)

I don’t know about you (if I did, I might comment on those socks, but this is me, refraining), but clutter is something I’ve had to work on with time. Being a mother, one ends up saving more of the kids’ assignments than necessary (that spleen-shaped bowl was just too cute to toss, and every mother needs 12 of each child’s handprint). If you’ve lost a parent, everything they owned that you now have probably has meaning. Your last foray into ceramics class let you down the path of country-styles pigs and cows, which, of course, turned out with such clever charm, you couldn’t bear to part with it.

And plan to part with these things eventually?

Plan to sell on Ebay? Good thing you’ve been racking up those boxes, right?

Oh PLEASE! Let’s step out of Denialville for a moment.

Admit it: You have at least one room, closet, or portions of rooms filled to the brim with things you don’t need, which never see the light of day, and that, for whatever emotional reasons, you can’t part with. Your garage might be a shrine to ball bearings your husband intends to repack and use in other items (but because the movers dropped the box, the floor now resembles a Rex Avery cartoon, with people’s telescoping eyeballs and aooga noises every time someone steps foot into that precipice).

I am here to help, because-- trust me—I’ve been there. From rooms filled with cardboard, to others filled with the relics of dead relatives who don’t care whether I keep the turtle-shaped ashtrays, you have to be able to unbury your sanity, along with your carpets.

Your emotions and feelings are very real, but, so, too, don’t you always feel a little out of control? I know I did. It isn’t easy to part with things. They might have real value, or mean a lot, but if they mean so much, why have they been in that box for the last 10 years?

Do you REALLY think your kids will want it?

Do you REALLY want to pass along the art of saving too much stuff to them?

Have you even looked at it for the last year?

If the answer to that is NO, then you probably don’t need it. It’s been buried under the Elvis Pelvis for the last 9 months.

“My mother gave this to me, and she’ll be mad if I get rid of it.”

Do you think mom really cares? She just passed her crap to you to get it out of HER house, and you haven’t put the ceramic gnome outside in the yard anyway because buster keeps using it for his fire hydrant. You don’t even like Spanky the Gnome. He gives you nightmares.

Too bad you dropped it and it broke.

But seriously: Mom wanted it out of her house, so giving it to you was her way of guilt-free giving. The problem? Now you’re in the same boat, and she probably didn’t even think of it because she was selfishly getting it out of her house. Donate it to the local thrift store. Or toss it.

“This has sentimental value”

Much of what we can’t part with does.

I had some items of my mother’s which I had been saving for years, and finally realized they weren’t doing anything for me but taking up space. I took photographs of each item and then wrote a short paragraph about why each item is special. It helps me relive those times when mom was still around, and a picture takes up no room, when compared to the big ceramic steins she painted in the 70’s.

Do you have a funny story about the macramé plant hanger? Take a picture. Write your paragraph.

This means much more to the following generations in 80 years than a moth-eaten macramé hanger.

Once you photograph the item, donate it to charity. Let someone else benefit from your mom. She deserves to be shared.

(I’d still drop Spanky the Gnome, however).

“But Carl Jr. made this in art in 2^nd grade, the year he had those chicken pox!”

Well, awww!

Too bad, so sad. You keep the flat stuff. Scratch that. You keep five things from each year of school, and make sure you put the date and name of each child on each item.

Everything else, you photograph with the child holding it with pride, ditch the items and keep the kid. And the pictures. They’ll mean more than tattered papers or uvula-shaped vases.

“I’m going to sell these on…craigslist…ebay”

My widening backside you are. Have you ever sold anything on craigslist or ebay?

*slap slap slap*

Wake up! Donate it today and get it the heck out of your house. You get the tax write-off, and you’re giving to a better charity than under your bed.

And those boxes you were saving for your never-into-Ebay foray? Those can be recycled. Break them down and get them out of the house. You’ll be shocked. I know I recently rid myself of thirty boxes (seriously) that I liked the shape of… liked the shape of?! I’d slap myself if I could.

“It might come back into style”

You know that’s as full of bull as the last buffalo burger you had at Mooshie’s Tavern. Have you been nipping a little of their lager on the side, too?

You don’t save the ceramic cow tureen and dutch blue goose kitchen towel sets because you had them for a long time and they coordinated with the teddy bear canisters back in the early 1990’s (what can you say? Lillian Vernon was having a sale!)

It’s time to let go. Again, if they’re not in use, they’re useless to you. Take pictures of them and donate the items to the local thrift store. Pictures remind you of the good times, without requiring room in your home with items which will not be finding their way back in anytime soon.

“I will fit into these again”

The Michael Jackson Glove and red “Thriller” jacket weren’t a good look for you then, either.

Donate used clothes to a woman’s shelter where they will do the most good, or to a local charity. If you feel it is appropriate, photograph the items and keep the pictures, along with your fondest memories with those clothes.

Make meaningful collections out of things

If you like it enough to hold onto, make it meaningful.

My mother collected buttons. When she died, I saved the most special and framed them. They now hang on the wall where I can be reminded of her. Also included are skeleton keys of a house of my husband’s mother’s old home, and a couple of small trinkets to remind me of mom.

Take a Picture: It lasts Longer

Literally. I know I’ve hammered this out time and again in this piece, but it is true: A picture makes the heartache of the item leaving so much less. We are visual as a species (hunters and gatherers), so to have a picture of a loved item, not only takes up less space, but it allows you to sit down and really think about what that item meant to you… and if it means something, write a paragraph about what it meant to you. This will mean more to kids than the odd skunk figurine that was lost behind the furnace for 30 years.

Allow yourself to grieve

If your hanging onto something is your way of grieving, it’s time to let it go. Cry, reminisce, take a picture, write down your feelings. Let it go.

Get rid of 5 things today

That is, 5 pictures and five donations, out of the house. Five boxes, broken down and recycled. Five pieces of childhood art photographed and discarded (or placed in proper storage).

It doesn’t sound like much, but it is. Over just 20 days, you could rid your life of 100 unneeded items, and better the planet and others in the process.

What are you waiting for? Spanky the Gnome awaits!

Do you have any ideas for getting rid of clutter? If so, share them!

Boston Cream Napoleon (with oopsies)

photos by fibergal: top: Oopsie batter spread in a greased jellyroll pan and baked; middle: Napoleon after layering; bottom: ready to serve and enjoy!

This is a beautiful dessert skillfully put together by fibergal. She is, as you can see, very talented, and was kind enough to share her recipe and pictures with the world so that you, too, may have a little Napoleon in your life (not the real one, but the better tasting one).



Fibergal's Boston Cream Napoleon

3 eggs
3 ounces cream cheese
2 packets Splenda
1/8 tsp cream of tartar
pinch of salt

1 small Sugar free instant French Vanilla Pudding (Great Value)
1 & 1/2 cups of 1% Milk
1/3 Cup Heavy Whipping Cream
2 Tablespoons Sugar Free Chocolate Syrup (Great Value)

Preheat oven to 300 defrees F.

On high speed (with a mixer), mix whites with cream of tartar until stiff peaks form. In a separate bowl, mix yolks with the Splenda, cream cheese, and added salt. Combine yolk mixture by barely folding it in with the whites.

Bake in a medium-sized jelly roll pan on a silpat sprayed with Pam for 27 minutes at 300°. Cooled. Cut into 4 equal strips.

Mix pudding with milk, and layer like a Napoleon or Lasagna. Mix whipping cream with 1 tablespoon of chocolate syrup and whip until frosting-like in thickness. Drizzle the top with the rest of the syrup. Chill for 4 hours.

Chef's note: Rave reviews! Loved how light and airy the cake was. Pudding was thick and luscious and the chocolate was, well, chocolatey. Most definately a keeper! I can't wait to play with the Oopsies some more, thank you Cleo for making the best mistake ever! (me: I'll keep making mistakes if you keep cooking like that!)




= 5 servings of Finished Cake (with 1/3 cup leftover pudding)

Per Serving
cal 198
fat 15
carb 10
protein 6

Did Somebody Say Oopsie Waffles?

photographs by luckiangel

Dear me. When luckiangel had said she made waffles out of oopsie batter, I wasn't sure if she meant real waffles or things in my mind which we like to think of as waffles but resemble pancakes. But only because I don't own a waffle maker anymore and am very sad about that. I tried using my curling iron on the pancakes and it was a lonely, lonely Conair moment.


luckiangel's Oopsie Waffles

The first few came out flat but made great crepes!!

I added a half a scoop of vanilla protein powder to my egg batter (editor's note: usual oopsie batter, one full recipe) .........it was after i already mixed them.........and they puffed up!!!! WOOHOO!!!

Here's what they looked like.......top view is the waffle themselves........i tried to get a side view to show how thick they came out. Just like a regular waffle! The last pic is the finished product.......strawberries and cream belgian waffle!!!!! i'm going to add caramel davinci's the next time....they smelled and tasted like the real thing!!!! Oh and i added some cinnamon to the egg yolks too.

OH and the kids SCARFED these down with peanut butter and s/f syrup!!!!!

Our 16 yr old boy had seconds with the strawberries and cream and i don't think he could have eaten it faster!!!!! Now i KNOW how to get them to EAT!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:


(editor's note: When there are that many exclamation points, you know it's a hit!)

Jerk Chicken Pasta-less Pasta

This easy recipe is a take off of a recipe I found online, but I changed it quite a bit. If you’ve ever eaten at Bahama Breeze restaurant and want to replicate their jerk chicken, this is a pretty close attempt. I add the avocado-feta salsa for flourish and a flavorful addition at the end (and also to put out some of the ‘fire’ of the jerk chicken, which is extremely spicy).

This can be served on spaghetti squash (as shown above), or with riced, fried cauliflower.

Jerk Chicken Pasta-less Pasta

4 boneless chicken breasts, raw and chopped into cubed or long strips
½ cup butter
4-5 cloves garlic, crushed
1 cup half-and-half
½ cup chicken broth (I use Swanson’s organic chicken broth in a box)
1 Tbsp Thicken Thin/Not Starch
1 Tbsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp oregano
3 Tbsp parsley
8 ounces sliced mushrooms, pieces and stems (I use raw)
¼ cup chopped red bell pepper
salt and pepper to taste
prepared spaghetti squash
Avocado-Feta salsa, prepared (optional, recipe here)

Melt butter in a skillet over low/medium heat and add garlic.

When garlic becomes fragrant, add cayenne pepper and chicken. Increase heat.

Cook until chicken is no longer raw. Remove chicken from the pan, leaving the liquids.

In a separate bowl, stir together half-and-half, chicken broth, and ThickNThin/Not Starch. Pour into the skilled the chicken was cooked in (with the liquids).

Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and then simmer for 3 minutes, stirring constantly. Stir in parsley, herbs, mushrooms, red bell pepper, and heath thoroughly, allowing flavors to blend.

Add chicken and heat through.

Toss with spaghetti squash, or to fried, riced cauliflower. Top with avocado-feta salsa for garnish, color and some coolness to the flavor.

Avocado-Feta Salsa

A recipe favorite from Better Homes and Gardens, this is a staple in my kitchen. Serve this on flax crackers or with my Jerk Chicken recipe, you’re going to keep coming back for more of this very quick and easy salsa.

Avocado-Feta Salsa

2 plum tomatoes, chopped
1 avocado, halved, seeded, peeled and chopped
¼ cup finely chopped red onion
1 clove garlic, minced
1 Tbsp snipped, fresh parsley
1 Tbsp snipped fresh oregano
1 Tbsp olive oil
1 Tbsp white vinegar
4 oz. feta cheese, coarsely crumbled

In a medium bowl, combine tomatoes, avocado, onion, garlic, parsley, oregano, oil, and vinegar. Stir gently to mix. Gently stir in feta cheese. Cover and chill for 2 hours or up to 6 hours. Serve with flax crackers (recipe here).

I also use this to garnish my jerk chicken pasta-less pasta (recipe here).

Makes 12 (1/4 cup) servings.

Total carbs: 16 net, 701 calories total.

H20 Goddess' Oopsie Pizza

pictures and recipe: H2O Goddess... a metawoman in more ways than one!



H2O Goddess' Pizza: Fit for Mt. Olympus...and now--mankind.

Oopsies make a GREAT pizza crust! I used the original recipe as per Cleo's instructions. (Kind readers, the original oopsie recipe can be found here!)

Preheat oven to 300 degrees F.

The crust:

3 large eggs
1 pkg Splenda
dash of salt
pinch of cream of tartar
3 ounces cream cheese (not Tbsp!) Do not soften!

Separate the eggs and add Splenda, salt, and cream cheese to the yolks. Use a mixer to combine the ingredients together. In a separate bowl, whip egg whites and cream of tartar until stiff (if you're using the same mixer, mix the whites first and then the yolk mixture). Using a spatula, gradually fold the egg yolk mixture into the white mixture, being careful not to break down the whites.

The only think I did differently was that I added some Italian seasoning to the egg yolk mixture just before folding it into the egg whites. Once folding the yolk into the whites, I spread the mixture into well-greased (I used butter) full-sized pizza pan (I used an aluminum one), slightly patting the mixture down with a spatula just to ensure even coverage of the pan. My apologies, I didn't think to take a picture of it before I put it in the oven.

Stuck the "crust" into a preheated 300 degree oven and baked it for 20 minutes.

After removing the crust from the oven I stuck it in the fridge for approx 7 - 10 minutes to let it cool down before I added the tomato sauce. In hindsight I suppose you really don't have to cool it in the fridge. The crust really does hold up very well.

Now preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.

After adding the tomato sauce and cheeses and all the other toppings I stuck the pizza back into the oven and increased the oven temperature to approx. 400 degrees and baked it for another 30 minutes or until the cheese started bubbling.



Notes:

The crust was extremely pliable and as you can see from the photo I had no problem at all eating it with my bare hands. It wasn't greasy or messy in the least. It looks and feels just like real pizza crust even on the bottom. It was just like eating "real" pizza, honestly. It was very, very, VERY good. I ate two huge slices...lol. My mother, who isn't low carb at all, happened to be around and I gave her a slice and she thought it was delicious too. I have a nice sized slice in my lunch bag at work today and can't wait until lunch time.

Never retain water on weigh-in days

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I ate a large amount of sodium yesterday and today at TOPS weighed in with only a 2.5 loss (which is much smaller than yesterday morning). Still, a loss is a loss at TOPS, and so far I have an all no-gainer streak!

Good news

The good news? In the last 7 weeks, I've lost 40 pounds!

That's pretty incredible-sounding, but some weeks were relatively low losses. Weight loss is not at all linear, or I'd be 100 pounds down by now.

My husband? He's so proud of me, he made a spread sheet. That's right.

He showed me my curve. I told him it was a plot. (a little humor there).


Recipes

I am going to be incorporating more recipes and apologize in not doing so sooner. With the kids moving towards the end of the year, and looking at home school for one (while sending another back to school).

Right now, I have to start planning dinner. These folks around here are funny about not getting food. I mean REALLY!

I tell them, "Dude! I'm BLOGGING!" Do you think they care? Oh, nay!

I'm so impatient

I couldn't even finish the title.

How is that for im


Too much energy?

patient?

did it again! 'M I bad.

I have a lot of energy these days--mentally especially-- because of Atkins removing the belly button lint from my head. Now I have a lot of things to say and to think, and not all of them are written down.



It's a Sickness

Take last night, for instance. I cleaned my kitchen at 8pm. At night. Just because I wanted it clean.

When you're one of a large family, many of whom don't know where you're supposed to leave a bowl or a cup, let alone your son's baking project (those poor Jewish people must have really eaten unleavened cake), the kitchen quickly falls apart without due diligence.

I put in my Beastie Boys CD (don't look at me that way) and cleaned the entire thing, and feel so much better about things. There's a lot to be said for a clean kitchen. Until breakfast.



You've gone and lost your RV in the tall weeds

My husband likes RVs. We're about to sell number 6. Or is it number 5? I lose count. Frankly, I could live the rest of my life never buying, selling or riding in another RV ever again. To me, they're houses with mechanical problems. I have enough issues with two bathrooms and one kitchen. Now you want to saddle me with more areas for teenagers to decimate? And a transmission?

Still, it's those things he enjoys, so I am happy for him. He's also leveled off the comments about the number of pillows I keep on the bed.

Large, gas-guzzling Winnebago. Small bed pillows. We get by.



Valentine's Day Success


I don't know whether it's the lack of warm weather or the copious amounts of chocolate everywhere, but Valentine's Day was easy-- the rest of the time has been more difficult. I want to eat things that don't even seem very good to me.

I think it's the American Dream. We have, and we want more, even if it's a bowl of yogurt.

And how sad is that-- missing a bowl of yogurt?

There's something monumentally which flickers and dies out there in the intellectual wilderness when you're jonesing for a big bowl of the bovine white stuff in solid form.

With blueberries.


Modified OWL


I'll get to dairy soon enough, though. There's always modified OWL-- all of the deliciousness of the Atkins rungs but without the guilt or slowed weight loss.

For anyone out there wanting to move into OWL but who don't particularly want to slow down weight loss or worry about blood sugar instability, hunger and cravings as a result of moving on, modified OWL is a good plan to consider.

Modified OWL (for anyone who doesn't yet know) is climbing the Atkins OWL rungs (2002 plan) while remaining at induction-level carbohydrate counts (20 net carbs). This process serves several purposes:

1. It allows for more variety. If you're bored to tears with induction, even with myriad food choices, it's better to move up the rungs and begin experimenting with food than to risk dabbing melted chocolate on your pulse points, 6 of which you've decided were under your tongue.

2. It keeps cravings in check because the high-fat and protein coupled with very limited carbohydrate amounts of new foods (about 5 per serving per day) keep you in ketosis;

3. Because of the very high-fat; low-carbohydrate levels you're still following, when you do hit a food which causes you problems, you're going to know it immediately; still damage will be minimal.

4. OWL serves as a rotation diet for people trying to pinpoint food intolerances. Because you're having to share those 20 net carbohydrates with a serving of something 'new' at set intervals, you are going to know right away if you have a sensitivity towards carrots (me!), macadamia nuts (ooh ooh! Pick me! Pick me!) or mushrooms (I always thought he was a fun-gi).




OK. Gotta scoot. I have people to micromanage and socks to track down. It's a living. Such lint-free socks.

On Wisconsin! Broccoli Cheese Soup

Perfect for those cold, winter evenings after the Packers last lost at Lambeau Field, you can still cheer Brett Farvre in your heart and wait for the Brewers to start playing. Scratch that. We're waiting for football.


On Wisconsin! Broccoli Cheese Soup


2 tablespoons butter
3 Tbsp thicknthin/not starch
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
**2 1/2 cups water
3 cans chicken broth -- about 4 cups (I use one box of Swanson Organic Chicken Broth)
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
16 ounces frozen chopped broccoli -- thawed and drained
1/2 cup red bell pepper, chopped -- finely chopped
8 ounces shredded cheddar cheese -- sharp or extra sharp
2 tablespoons chopped chives -- or green onion tops

1. Melt butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add
flour; cook and stir 30 seconds or until bubbly. Add cream,
water, broth, salt, mustard and cayenne pepper; bring to a
simmer over high heat, stirring frequently. Add broccoli
and red pepper; return to a boil. Reduce heat to low; simmer
uncovered 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.

2. Add cheese; stir over low heat just until cheese melts
(do not boil). Top with chives if desired.

**For a thicker soup, cut back the water by one cup -


5-6 servings.

Eat my Valentine

Pictured above: Top: An oopsie pizza; Middle: Oopsie Pizzas with a red bell pepper, just because it looks oh so red; Bottom: Wilton cake company makes fantastic, small, fondant cutters for your every whim. Here, it's for cutting the cheese. (Oh STOP)


Valentine's Day can be an easy day to celebrate, especially with a little bit of cleverness. And think about it-- isn't there just something very clever about small, gourmet oopsie pizzas for February 14?


On these, I used a bottom layer of Sun Dried Tomato Alfredo, string cheese, pine nuts, sliced green olives and I used fondant cutters to make small hearts in the pepperoni. Quit rolling your eyes! I saw that...

A couple of minutes under high on your broiler and you're saying low-carb lovin' from the oven.

See if that doesn't score you a well-deserved "AWWW!" (For effect, throw some flour at your face and muss your hair a little).

My Ebay Valentine

**written last Valentine's Day, I'm posting this here. You've never seen it, and if you have, then you've suffered needlessly.



If you've ever Shopped Victoriously at Ebay, you've most likely looked at the feedback of users you have considered doing business with.

Cupid is no exception.

In a day and age of cynicism and disgruntled consumers and their sellers, retaliatory feedback and miscommunication, there is always the possibility of angst coming from both sides, even if this is the day of love.

Following are some hypothetical customer comments left for the winged lovecherub of fate and his trading assistants after the February 14 auctions:

Buyer Neg: I asked for applause and got the clap. Avoid!!!!!!!!!!

Buyer Neg: Queen of Hearts was really a Jack

Buyer Neg: the blue pills really worked!
Seller Reply: We're glad you liked the Tic Tacs.

Buyer Pos: Wife looked great in red nightie!
Seller Reply: She looked better in the black one.

Buyer Neg: Pants won't stay on.
Seller Reply: Get twin beds.

Buyer Neg: Product is a fake!
Seller Reply: Buyer ate contraceptive jelly on toast, waited 9 months to neg

Buyer Neg: Cupid hit dog instead of spouse. Now both Chase the mailman and I'm lonely.

Buyer Pos: Romance arrived quickly. A++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Buyer Neg: Got hurt.
Seller Reply: Chocolates are to be consumed orally .

Buyer Neg: Voodoo doll only had one leg
Seller Reply: That's not his leg

Buyer Neg: Heart arrived broken.
Seller Reply: Buyer wouldn't buy insurance.

Buyer Neg: Chafing harsh. Not as described
Seller Reply: Numpty bought G-string from guitar category.

Buyer Neg: Dirty, smelled of smoke and had white dust on it.
Seller Reply: You wanted Paris Hilton's nightie, you got Paris Hilton's nightie.

Buyer Neg: Didn't get what I paid for. Buyer beware!
Seller Reply: You bought picture of Johnny Depp. Not Johnny Depp!

Buyer Neg: didn't work.
Seller Reply: Did you plug it in?

Buyer Neg: Breast enhancements didn't work
Seller Reply: They did. You're a bigger boob than before.

Celebrating VD without the guilt (Valentine's Day. You know what I mean)

Chocolate is the old standby for Valentine's Day, but this is 2008 for crying out loud.

Peter Parker may no longer be married to Mary Jane due to a silly twist of fate by balding Marvel executives, but that doesn't mean you have to cave to Mephisto in a moment of deus ex machina comic book angst (Lord, I feel my Marvel stocks dropping daily).

While the typical response is to spend the day in a way that makes Hallmark’s stockholders smile, filled with chocolates and flowers, why not try some new moves for your new grooves?

1. Coupon book! Nothing says you made it yourself like coupons for things like foot rubs, their ability to rule the remote for a day (OK, now I'm going too far, I know), a date to their favorite spot, to make their favorite meal. You could also put in slips of paper in there that say things like, "You tell the naked neighbor he can't urinate in our bushes anymore." Thosea re the big favors in life.

2. A scavenger hunt. Take slips of paper with clues to the location of the next clues. At the end of the hunt they get their prize. What is it? This is a family board. Use your imagination. I recommend it not be a pair of socks though, ok kids? Unless the socks ROCK! Then they can rock your socks.

3. A vegetable bouquet. Nothing says “lettuce enjoy this Valentine’s Day” like a little arugula romance. A bouquet made up of fresh produce is not only colorful, but it’s a healthy way to say, “I love you”. Or at least, "I saved money at Albertson's on produce."

4. Spa Day! Treat yourself (or your honey) to a day of pampering at a local spa. Not only are you supporting a local business, but you’re giving something that goes beyond the momentary enjoyment a chocolate might bring. A day at the spa is something you’re likely to not forget.

5. Give something red. This year, why not have a heart by helping others? Donate to your favorite charity in your sweetheart’s name. Donating blood is also a great way to honor someone.

6. Random Acts of Chocolate. So let’s just say someone DOES give you chocolate. Unless you tie them to the chair and take great pleasure in popping confections at their forehead (which, incidentally is considered assault, not that I know this first hand and stop looking at me that way), why not surprise a neighbor with them? Leave the goodies on their doorstep with a card, signed or anonymous.

7. Think pink! Who says low-carbing it can’t be fun? Use food coloring to make your cream cheese pink, your mashed cauliflower pink, and don’t forget… you can even put a couple drops in your water for some cupid-refreshment! Yes, it sounds like everyone is drinking pepto-water, but schmaltz is Valentine's Day.

8. Send me a sign. Pull out all the stops this year and decorate the front of your house or apartment to show the sweet baboo of your life how much you love them. Pink and red balloons, streamers, signs in the yard… the cornier and more obnoxious, the better! Tell the neighborhood! Just don’t accidentally set the lawn on fire. Don’t ask.

9. Wanted Take out a small advertisement in your local paper and proclaim your love! To your spouse. Not to cheese. Like last time.

10. Sweet note-things. Leave notes around where you know they’ll be found using small quips about things you like about them. Under the toilet seat? “You bowl me over, Valentine”. In her shoes? “You’re my heart and my sole.” You get the picture! Just don’t knock it off the wall. Again. It didn’t work last year either.

11. If you have girls, paint their nails. Paint your nails. Nail paint for everyone! Save for the mailman. He might enjoy it, but let's face it. The Hendersons were angry the last time he delivered their TV Guide late.

12. If you have sons, do something boy-centric with them. Any ideas? I usually treat them a rousing board game where imaginary blood and guts are sprayed across a Milton-Bradley landscape. We're Settlers of Cataan and Carcassonne fans. We play board games anyway (yeah, I'm a geek. I OWN it), but why not also make it an occasion?

13. Guitar Hero or video games--and you're playing too. Quitcher whining. . I know the last time you tried to rock out to Guitar Hero you fell over the ottoman and crushed the dog, but Peanut is over it, and those righteous Dragon Force riffs are calling your name. Along with the insurance company. Try not to fall out of the window. Again.

It's Windsday, Owl!

It is flipping windy here. It's the kind of gustapalooza that has even a woman of large size like me hanging onto things in an effort not to blow away it's the underarm flaps).

Mondays are excruciatingly busy at this moment,l so I apologize for my tardiness in writing.



Almost STOPS at TOPS

You know those weeks when you're losing inches but you know you're going to be squeaking by on the weight loss? Welcome to my world, honey! I was concerned about stepping on the scale this week and knowing I'm pretty close to either being exactly the same of gaining due to the usual pauses when the stall in weight occurs but while the inches are shrinking away.

Still, try explaining that to the ladies who want to be done with me so they can go and sip coffee and discuss whatever they were discussing before I slid into the room with my socks.

I managed to lose 2.25 pounds this week, even though my birthday was Saturday and I enjoyed some high-sodium fare. It was a good thing. It's hard being the fastest loser because you're trying to blend in (being the new person) and you don't want to create any issues with folks who aren't losing much--if any. So many of them are close to goal, but a few have some to pudge to budge, so we're all working towards those same goals.


NO SOUP FOR YOU!

I was going to make some Wisconsin Broccoli Cheese Soup (On Wisconsin!), but when I was rummaging for the ingredients, I realized the broccoli was shaped like green beans and not at all like broccoli. I didn't want to make cheese bean soup. Not that there's anything wrong with alternate vegetables in cheese based soups...


More news from the TOPS front

I'm now the exercise chair. I am going to rename the position "Lazy-Boy Chair".


And you?

How are you doing? Drop me a line and let me know what you like, what you want to see more of, that you wonder how some average schlub like me has over 26,000 page views, and what I should do with frozen green beans that were identified wrongly as broccoli.

In return, I'll show you the photoshop that some friends made for my birthday. Because I know you care.

Friday, where to stuff those candies, and voting for the evil who brings you stuff

Friday! Yeah!

*pumping fist the air*

Just Say NO to superfluous chocolatey bits of Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is next week, so practice the art of saying “Thank You” now, since someone will probably hand you cupcakes and chocolate. When they’re not looking, toss it into the ficus plant.

If you have the opportunity, give your treats away to a neighbor.

It never hurts to schmooze a neighbor. They might be even nicer to you. Remember the last time you were locked out of the house naked, and Sally Lou helped you get through the window? Well there you go. That deserves some well-gifted chocolates.

You could even include a note with it.

“Dear Sally, You’ve helped me with important stuff
(Like the time I was trapped outside there in the buff)
If it wasn’t for you getting me out of the chill
There are bits of me that would be frozen stiff still.”

Speaking of favors for friends…

We just finished with Super Tuesday here in Colorado, and a lot of folks just finished voting in other elections, too. This brings me to voting for elections locally.

Chances are, you didn’t have any idea who you were voting for in the last election. Someone named Macy Gray. Or she sings or something. No matter who has thrown their hat into the venerable ring, it’s hard to get excited about someone you’ve never heard of before the last two months. I don’t see yard signs that say things like, “Vote for me: I rock HARD.” High school mentality? I’m talking ads that speak to me, man.

This is why voting for the person you know is usually a safe bet. There are other perks most citizens never consider when they write their friend’s name in for an office.

You couldn't spell T.J Houshmanzadeh. While he is an oh-so-worthy deserver of your vote, your friend's name fits on the line, especially since all you had at the time was a Spider-Man crayon.

Your friend doesn't cheat at ping pong. Think about it.

Your friend invites you over to his house and lets you win at board games. Like all of the time. Even before you voted for him. That’s the kind of service that goes above and beyond.

The last time “Bike to Work” day rolled around, he let you ride in the side car. Even when the goat heads popped every tire on his vintage Schwinn, he never stopped pedaling.

Your friend is humbled by your gesture beyond words. Never forget this. When you write your friend in as a candidate, this works for you.

Your friend always borrowed your stuff. Now he borrows your stuff and returns it. It’s what any elected official would do.

Your friend lends you their stuff. And because they’re supposed to behave better than usual constituency folks when elected, they’re less likely to whimper when you accidentally wreck their pocket fisherman.

Your friend’s wife cooks some savory dishes. When she decides you’re the kind of folks who put that much stock in her husband, she brings you pie.

You can now use your support of your friend to your advantage when:

Needing cash. Now you can ask your friend for money, because you were ready to break open your wallet to help stock his election coffers, even if you were only planning to stamp ping pong balls with his slogan and then were going to use them in the break room. And even when the stamp looked coincidentally like Barbie and said, “Dream Big!”

Needing a favor: Now, when your friend does something you don’t approve of, you can say, “And to think I voted for you.” This is especially helpful when your friend takes your parking spot. Guilt works. Use it to your advantage.

Needing them to buy your stuff: Now when your child has to sell something really overpriced for a school fund raiser, you can send them to your friend. No human being with a heart still beating in his chest can say no to a four year old who says, “Would you buy some popcorn from me, future councilman Todd?”

All in all, there are no drawbacks to voting for your friend, whether it is for a local office, a federal court judge position, or for the local water district. Rest easy, knowing that no matter who takes the votes on Super Tuesday, you’re assured the win.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Today, you can enjoy the festival of lights and still eat a meal which will not throw you out of induction (or from your other low-carb plan). I am really hungry for some good Chinese food, so I am going to go to the kitchen and whip up some recipes today!

I am going to make for you a menu including:

Egg Drop Soup
Stir-Fry Chicken and Vegetables
Fried, Riced Cauliflower
Boneless Chicken Wings with Ginger Dipping Sauce
Good Fortune Cookies!


Think you can't enjoy the New Year low-carb?

Think again!

Egg Drop Soup

We’re staring with the egg drop soup. Doesn’t it look delicious? It is! And it is so good, especially if it is cold today where you are. Hearty and perfect for upset stomachs as well!

Low on carbs and big on flavor, the egg provides even more staying power. This is a hearty soup the kids will love, too!

Egg Drop Soup

Click here for the updated recipe!

Ginger Dipping Sauce

Ginger Dipping Sauce, pictured above with Chix' Boneless Buffy Wings, Zingy stir fry, and Fried, Riced Cauliflower. A Good Fortune Cookie adds a bit of garnish.

I love ginger, and this is a perfect sauce/ boneless wings combination! You can find the recipe for the Chix' wings in the recipes section to the right side of the blog.

Ginger Dipping Sauce

¼ cup chopped onion
1 clove garlic, minced
1 Tbsp fresh ginger root, minced (I use 1 tsp ginger spice)
1/8 cup lemon juice
¼ cup soy sauce
¼ tsp white vinegar
1 Tbsp ThicknThin/Not Starch

2 packets Splenda granular (or to taste), or raspberry Sugar Free davincis 1 tsp, plus only 1 pckt Splenda

Combine all save for Splenda/davincis in a blender until smooth.

Sample for flavor. If not sweet enough or too lemony or soy-saucy, add Splenda and/or davincis raspberry SF syrup for some extra sweetness and flavor until you find it to your liking.

Serve with chicken wings and riced cauliflower!

Fried Riced Cauliflower

Fried, Riced Cauliflower shown with the stir fry.

Rice is a base for many Asian foods, but low-carbers and those with intolerant can’t have rice because it is full of starches that shoot straight to the blood stream or causes other problems!

Fried Riced Cauliflower

10 ounce bag of frozen cauliflower, cooked as per package instructions
Coconut (or other) Oil

Take prepared, warm (not hot—you might burn your fingers) cauliflower (I prepare mine in the microwave as per bag instructions) and push it through a ricer. If you don’t have a ricer, (I lost mine! Boohoo!) you can use a large-holed cheese grater and grate the cauliflower instead.)

Heat a small amount of oil (I just use about 2 Tbsp) in a pan over medium heat. Once the oil is heated (about 5 minutes), add riced/grated cauliflower, stirring until the cauliflower is cooked a second time! It is much like rice! I also throw some salt and pepper on the rice while cooking for added flavor.

Make sure you give the rice time to really fry on the stove cook. Be patient! It takes a little while, but is so worth it!

Great with chicken stir fry or the boneless chicken wings and ginger dipping sauce recipes (or others).

Zippy Chinese Chicken Stir-Fry

Zippy Chinese Chicken Stir Fry

Sesame oil Sea Salt
Pepper
2 chicken breasts (may use less to your taste)
Coconut oil (or other oil)
16 ounce Package of frozen stir fry vegetables (I’m using Wal-Mart brand Deluxe Stir Fry today)

Red pepper flakes

In a pan place the chicken breasts. Coat with salt, pepper, and then some sesame oil. Bake the chicken at 375 until the breasts are no longer pink inside (about 20 minutes) and then cut the breasts into long slices.

The main thing you are looking for in a stir fry is a lot of color, texture and flavor, especially to off-set the mildness of the egg drop soup. I am using a Wal-Mart brand of stir fry. (There are a couple baby corn cobs (I just pick those out), and an entire bag is only 15 carbs, even with the corn cobs!)

Heat coconut oil over medium heat until hot. Add stir fry vegetables (careful for splatter) and cook, stirring every so often, until they are no longer frozen and starting to look lively. Add sliced chicken and continue to cook and stir until chicken looks heated through again.

Serve on a platter, either within a ring of riced, fried cauliflower, with a smattering of sesame seeds on top for presentation. Add red pepper flakes for zing! (You might want to add to your plate rather than the whole recipe just in case you have people who aren't into spicy)

Good Fortune Cookies

There is no way you can enjoy the Chinese New Year without fortune cookies! A touch of almond extract adds just the right undertones for a fortune cookie flavor.

My Good Fortune Cookies

Low-carb tortilla shell (I use Mission)
1 egg
Splenda (granular) 1 packet
1 tsp almond extract

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Mix egg with almond extract and Splenda (almond is a flavor used for real fortune cookies!).

Cut 4-6, 3” circles into a large tortilla. (I use a knife around a 3” diameter glass).

Paiint egg solution along the outer edges of the inside of the round with a pastry brush or fingers. Fold the cookie in half. Press edges together. Paint the outer side cookie with the egg solution on both sides. Press fat side/edge of the cookie inwards to shape the cookie. Place on a cookie sheet, and bake for 10 minutes, or until slightly browned and hold their shape. Cool on a rack.

***Optional: If you want these to be crunchy, you could fry them in oil in a skillet!

I don't add fortunes inside of them, because we tried-- the paper was embedded into the breading no matter what we tried! Instead, wrap the cookie in a slim band of paper (with non-toxic pen) writing on it-- which is the fortune-- and secure with a small bit of tape underneath. Or tie with a red ribbon (good luck in the Chinese culture) with a small fortune written on it!

With Great Spelling...

When the weekly class room spelling list was sent home last week with my young daughter, the last two challenge words (always for extra credit), were “Superman” and “Spiderman”.

“Look mommy!” Lucille yelled. “They gave me ‘Spiderman’ as a spelling word!”

“Did they hyphenate it and spell it the right way?” called Father from under his Spider-Man blanket.

Ignoring the critic in the corner, I said, “And Superman, eh?” (With nary a DC comic fan in the house, I knew how that was going to be.)

She nodded her head. “And I don’t even like Superman!”

“Good girl!” bellowed the man from behind his Ultimate Spider-Man comic. Catching my glare he said “Whaaat?” and peered at me. He continued, pretending not to see me. “We all know Superman is just a big weenie.” He looked at his little girl and smiled. “Isn’t that right, Lucille?”

“Yes, daddy! Spider-Man is the best and Superman is a weenie!” she smiled, gaps in her teeth occupying about as much space as the teeth themselves.

Yesterday, Lucille brought home her graded spelling test. She thrust the paper towards me with small chest puffed forward.

“An A! Why that’s tremendous!” I congratulated her for her hard work.

“And see, mommy?” she stabbed her finger at the paper, “I spelled ‘Spiderman’ the right way!”

“But what happened to ‘Superman’?” I pointed to the jumbled mess of letters on the page, as the little girl looked forlornly at the floor.

She sighed dramatically. “I couldn’t spell ‘weenie’.”

shadowzip's Chocolate Almond Oopsies and Blackberry Garnish

(Pictures by shadowzip. Top: Chocolate Blackberry Oopsie; Middle: Side view; Bottom: Chocolate Almond Oopsie in its pure state of beauty. Understated and perfect.)

Words can do this no justice. The presentation is absolutely stunning.



Chocolate Almond Oopsies

3 large eggs
3 pks splenda or 6 drops sweetzfree
1 TBLS Diabetisweet
1 TBLS Powdered Erythritol
1 oz unsweetened chocolate, melted
1 TBLS Dark Cocoa
dash of salt
pinch of cream of tartar
3 ounces cream cheese (not Tbsp!) Do not soften!

1pkg splenda or 2 drops sweetzfree

Sliced Almonds for garnish

Separate the eggs, add sweeteners, chocolate and cocoa, salt, and cream cheese to the yolks. Use a mixer to combine the ingredients together.

In a separate bowl, whip egg whites and cream of tartar and 1pkg splenda or 2 drops sweetzfree until stiff Using a spatula fold the egg yolk/chocolate mixture into the white mixture, being careful not to break down the whites. Spray a cookie sheet with non-stick spray and spoon the mixture onto the sheet, making 6 mounds. Flatten each mound slightly. Sprinkle with sliced almonds

Bake about 30 minutes at 300*


Chocolate Almond Blackberry Oopsie

Split a chocolate almond oopsie, spread whipped cream and a few blackberries or your berry of choice on the bottom layer. Top with top of oopsie, crush some berries with sweetener and spread most on plate add more whipped cream, drizzle with the rest of the crushed berries and 1 TBLS sugar free Chocolate sauce. Seriously Yummy.


(**editor's note: I want shadowzip to adopt me and feed me!)

cutie's Oopsie French Toast

(Picture by JennyJ. Isn't she an amazing cook and a photographer? I want to lick the screen!)



Cutie's Oopsie French Toast

1 egg beaten w/ a bit of cream, vanilla and cinnamon

Coat two oopsies w/ egg mixture and fry in butter like french toast.

I had two this am w/ butter and SF pancake syrup (*cleo's note: Davinci's hazelnut syrup rocks) and 2 breakfast sausages - YUMMO!!!!


(* another note: This recipe is so awesome, you won't even realize it's not French toast with actual bread!)

** Laurie uses sweetzfree, but Jenny omitted Sweetzfree and said the recipe was sweet enough, so if you don't have any, you'll probably be all right.




ETA: this batch of oopsies I added a bit of cinnamon :-)

Vesna's Oopsie Birthday Cake

Vesna is not only a wonderful cook, but as you can see, she makes a very cute little nipper!


Vesna's Oopsie Birthday Cake

I made a 5-egg, 5 ounces of cream cheese batch of Oopsie batter. Added 1 teaspoon vanilla and 1/4 teaspoon almond extract. (Also 1/8 tsp salt, which was too much. Next time, maybe I'll add none at all, because the cream cheese has a little salt already, perhaps enough for cake.) Also 1 tsp Superose (liquid saccharine), which is 1/4 cup sugar equivalent.

Three 9" cake pans: sprayed and lined with parchment paper. Portioned out the batter among them.

Made a chocolate filling to spread between the layers. Whipped together 1 1/2 cup cream, 6 tablespoons cocoa powder, 1/2 teaspoon Superose (2 T sugar equivalent), 1 tsp vanilla. This is a very strong, bittersweet chocolate filling. My husband didn't like it at all, and he doesn't like bittersweet chocolate. I loved it; I like bittersweet chocolate. So, obviously some tweaking is needed before this is a crowd pleaser. 1 tablespoon cocoa might have been plenty. That element needs work.

Made a whipped cream topping and piped it in a spiral pattern over the top. Oh, so pretty. 3/4 cup cream, 1/8 tsp Superose(1 tablespoon sugar equivalent), 1 tsp vanilla.

Now here's where I made a mistake. At the last minute, I decided to add some extra pizzazz, and I added 1/8 tsp ginger, 1/8 tsp cinnamon, and a small pinch clove powder to the whipped cream topping. It is fabulous! However, it clashes with the bittersweet chocolate filling. So I wind up separating the top from the rest on the plate and eating them as if they were two separate desserts. If I'd left it just vanilla, it would've been good. Or, if it were this ginger cream on top and throughout, it would've been heaven.

So it was not 100% successful. But that was the fault of clashing frosting-filling flavorings. The concept of Revol-oopsie layers and whipped cream filling/frosting was a complete success!

The point is -- Revol-oopsie can become CAKE! Delicious CAKE! Beautiful CAKE! Do you hear me, people? CAKE that everyone will like! (My almost-4-YO was ESTATIC over it!)

Everything you wanted to know about me, which is nothing really, but some people have asked...

I am blessed to have so many kind people who ask me all of the time what I'm doing to lose so much weight so fast. I know I'm not terribly helpful, so I'm hoping that if I can put together one thoughtful (and oh I'm so thoughtful) and thorough (oh, you got me there. I still put my bra on backwards) response, then maybe this might shed some light on my success regarding Atkins.

What plan are you following?

I am following the 2002 Dr Atkins New Diet Revolution plan. I do not use the convenience foods, however, and I am currently following extended induction and expect to be here for some time to come.

I starting following Atkins in 1984 (so this would be the ’72 plan) when my father (a Green Beret who was bedridden due to a broken back) was introduced to Atkins by his then-Berlin doctor, who helped him to lose 80 pounds in 6 months! I grew up, then, from the age of 14 on as an Atkins child, losing weight even then, even though the plan was different than it is now!

I really prefer the 2002 version for several reasons:

Biological zero really doesn’t exist. Even eggs and other forms of proteins have trace amounts of carbs.

1. The way foods are added back in (in 5-gram increments) was exciting to a youth who used those carbs to eat jell-o pudding pops (they were within acceptable bounds), but I always added foods back not based on their nutritive values but based upon whether it was chocolate or peanut butter.
2. The way foods are added back in the 2002 version allows folks to go from foods less likely to cause issues to foods more likely to cause issues, using each Atkins rung as a means of rotational dieting. This pretty much allows a person to determine almost immediately which foods suit their systems badly.

That isn’t to say there’s anything wrong with the ’72 version. For me, I have followed both with great success; I just prefer the newer approach. Net carbs don’t affect me, and I believe rotational diet plans, such as OWL allows more people to pinpoint food intolerances.

Is ’72 a faster weight loss plan? I don’t think so, no. My father lost 80 pounds in 6 months following the ’72 plan; I lost 100 pounds in 6 months following the 2002 plan. I believe, then, that it comes down to a matter of preference, although I do believe the ’72 plan to be more austere than the newer plan.

But that’s me talking too much.

How did you lose so much weight so quickly?

In the first two weeks of Atkins induction, it is very likely that a person will lose up to 10% of the amount of weight one needs to lose. Granted, I lost 24 pounds in 2 weeks, and I do not need to lose 240 pounds. In this case, Dr Atkins claims that those who lose more than the 10% tend to have a higher metabolism. I do. I might have cottage cheese thighs, but I was blessed with a man’s metabolism.

I followed the plan faithfully, eating to plan, and not deviating. I do drink Diet Sodas (2big, close your eyes), but I am not detrimentally affected by aspartame as 25% of the population tends to be. I am, however, sensitive to Splenda, and do try to limit this sweetener. I am still not sure why!

I also exercised as much as possible that first month, walking nearly 61 miles on an incline on my treadmill. The last time I followed Atkins (2004) I decided I didn’t need exercise. I lost weight much more slowly as a result.

Finally, I have a lot of weight to lose, so, naturally I am going to lose more than the average woman or man. Trust me—I’d rather be starting from a smaller weight and losing less than starting where I am now and trying to lose more weight more quickly!

Are you doing the Kimkins Plan?

Dear Sweet Jesus.

Bless your heart for asking, but there is no way in hell you could pay me to follow that plan. For starters, Kimkins followers lose weight too slowly for my tastes. For a plan which preaches a very low-calorie diet, it seems folks hit rock bottom quickly and run out of steam. I have lost more than any Kimkins dieter I’ve ever seen to believe the rhetoric that the infernal plan is the fastest one out there.

Kimkins doesn’t preach exercise or healthful eating from what I’ve seen. Instead it relies on VLCD in order to try to attain the quick weight losses they claim. The irony? I enjoyed the fast weight loss, but while eating oopsie rolls, Baconators, pizza toppings, Red Robin guacamole burgers, taco salads, egg mcmuffins, and other fare Kimkins folks aren’t allowed to eat.

I am never sick, haven’t suffered any adverse effects, and have so much energy I can’t even sleep as much as I used to. I jump out of bed every morning at 5:30 am, and my head doesn’t hit the pillow before 11pm. I exercise every night because I have a lot of excess energy to burn! This is a very good sense of well-being, thanks to Dr Atkins.

Why someone decided to ruin a perfectly good plan that causes people so much misery is beyond me; why she has folks pay $80 to be told what not to eat when they could have, instead, enjoyed the successes I have to date in purchasing nothing more than Dr Atkins’ book on amazon.com, used, is something I can’t explain.

If there are any Kimkins fans out there, and if you want to lose weight quickly, healthfully, energetically, and eat the delicious kinds of recipes you’re seeing on my blog, please drop me a note; I would love to talk with you about how good the low-carb lifestyle is meant to be—the way the good Dr Atkins intended.

I’ll make a believer out of you.

What do you eat in a day?

I do not keep a food journal for a very specific reason: as a perfectionist, it caused me to obsess about numbers rather than listen to the signals my body was sending regarding hunger.

Numbers are man-made precepts (like weight, which measures the skeletal weight as well as the fat) and don’t necessarily perform a function well when we’re discussing the ever-changing needs of the body. Some days you are hungrier than others; as such, it stands to reason that foisting a set number of calories upon yourself every single day isn’t practical. Some days you are less hungry than other days.

I look at it this way: If you put 35 gallons of gas into your tank every day, what happens on the days your car needs less fuel? You overfill the tank. On the days you drive a greater distance, maybe 35 gallons isn’t enough. And, like gas, food is a fuel not to be wasted. And you don’t have to.

I have found that to be able to listen to my body is the best tool available to me. It keeps me from obsessing over whether numbers are too high or too low, and allows me to enjoy the experience of being in a low-carb lifestyle as opposed to emulating one via artificial lab environs on paper.

Now, for those beginning and for those who do need those data points, by all means, you have to do what works for you. If you have not yet honed your hunger signals or need the accountability, there is never a reason to not use the tools available for these means.

OK, so shut up already. What are you eating?

I’ll break things down in terms of things I like to eat. These are merely ideas, and in no way necessarily represent what I eat on any given day.

I do not use Franken foods or processed foods such as shakes or bars, and try to always prepare myself for emergencies and outings by keeping food on hand for events such as those.

Also, keep in mind that I’m following extended induction, which allows for an ounce of nuts per day as per the 2002 Atkins plan. An induction-level member will exclude the nuts. All items marked with asterisks* mean the recipe or a picture on this blog. (v) means that an appreciable amount of vegetable is incorporated into this meal.

Breakfast options

*Tex-Mex Smack yo mama scramble (v)
Oopsie rolls as French toast with butter and davincis hazelnut syrup
Bacon (low sodium)
Boulder (organic) sausage
#Sodium platter (essentially a snack plate, will explain more later)

Lunch options

*Oopsie BLT with cheese sandwiches (v)
*Oopsie mini pizzas (v) if fresh spinach is used
*Oopsie rolls with a baconator and a Caesar side salad (Wendys) (v)
Oopsie spicy Italian sub (v)
*Wisconsin broccoli cheese soup (v)

Dinner options

*Mozzarella sticks
*Chix’ Boneless Buffy Wings
* Lamb gyro and tzatziki (v) with sides
Taco salad (v)
Red Robin Guacamole Bacon burger with oopsie rolls and steamed vegetables (v)
Pizza toppings
Spicy chicken/turkey stir-fry (v)
* Mashed cauliflower and gravy (v)
Salisbury steaks
*Savory Chowder (v)
Spaghetti squash with Alfredo sauce and pine nuts (v)

Snack Options

*Flax cracker with *taco dip (v)
Flax cracker with dilled cream cheese
String cheese
Genoa salami slices
Babybel cheese
Olives
One ounce of nuts
Celery (v)
Broccoli (v)
Cherry tomatoes (I eat them like little apples) (v)
Deviled eggs
Small chef salad with a hard-boiled egg (v)

Dessert Options

SF jell-o whipped with 2 Tbsp cream, sweetned w/ Splenda. Light!
Oopsie rolls with butter and SF davincis syrup
Snow cones (yes, even in winter!)
Diet orange soda
Diet Dr Pepper chocolate cherry soda with 2 Tbsp cream (cream may be frozen for a ‘float’ feeling)
Diet root bear with whipping cream (read above)

I eat when hungry, stop when no longer hungry, and it’s not unusual for me to start a meal and have to finish it later because I’m just not as hungry as I used to be. I always temper vegetables with a protein and/or fat, and nuts especially since they can wreak havoc on the blood sugar.

# my sodium platter: Kim cracks up at my platter, but she knows it's the bomb (take that!): 10 green olives, one ounce of medium cheddar cheese, 12 slices of pepperoni, and one ounce of macadamia nuts or almonds (this is very dense calorie-wise, but it is extremely filling. It’s like noshing on your own snack tray. If you are in induction, replace nuts with celery for crunch).

You’ll also notice I’m not a stickler for sweet items, so desserts are very rare for me. I just never crave sweet so much as salty or crunchy.

I will often eat nontraditional breakfast items, such as the sodium platter or dinner left over from the previous evening. I am really not an egg person due to overdoing the egg concept the last time I followed Atkins in 2004.

Exercise?

Yes, indeed! Even at my size, I know that without boosting metabolism (which requires building at least the slow-twitch muscles) I’m never going to burn fat and make my furnace more efficient. That said, I need to hit the treadmill every night.

And you know what? I do it! The nights I fight it the hardest usually always come before the mornings when I wake up with a whooshie too. I have no idea why, but it seems like my body is trying to test me. How badly do I want this? Oh, I do!

I walk for 72 minutes each night on an incline (right now I work between 2 and 3), and I burn roughly 1000-1200 calories in that time.

Sound like I’m speaking crazy talk? Well, let’s discuss physics for a second.

Remember when your lab-frocked science teacher talked to you about the amount of work necessary to move a mass across a flat surface? That even though a box might weigh 25 pounds, you’re doing no work so long as that box remains moving across a flat plane, even when you’re the poor sap carrying it?

Now let’s move beyond this… If you, however, were to move that same weight/box up an incline, suddenly the amount of work you’re performing is exponential. You are burning more calories moving the same weight for the simple reason that you are moving that mass up an incline. You are doing work!

It then stands to reason that I am easily burning at least twice as many calories in the same period of time walking at a slower pace up an incline than walking a faster pace on a flat surface.

I could walk on a flat surface for a faster pace, but what is going to happen to a person who is overweight? Shin splints, back pain, too much bouncing, resulting in knee and joint problems. Slow it down and put yourself on an incline. You’re still sweating. Heck, you’re working hard, and you’re not bouncing or jolting—and you burned a great deal more calories in the process than had you been bouncing and jostling.

I can attest that after walking only 61 miles for the month of January and on an incline, I can book it across flat surfaces now like “Fat Lady Running”. You’ve never seen such stealth in a fat girl since Ding Dongs hit the blue light special outside of a weight minder meeting. Just a month! Think about what a month at a moderate pace and on an incline can do for you!

I’m not going to vaunt my exercise, however. I know it can be dull, especially when you’re in your own home. For this reason, I rent Netflix and watch a series of some syndicated show I’m really interested in. You’re more likely to be excited about jumping on that treadmill when you want to know what happens next in the series.

Finally, has exercise made a difference this time around? I mean, come on. You are on Atkins!

Dudes and dudettes, let me tell you what. The last time I followed Atkins (2004), I did not ascribe to the philosophy of exercise. As such, I lost only 55 pounds in the first three months (90 days).

Right now, as it stands, I have lost 32 pounds in 35 days—because of exercise.

The difference is there.

When will you post your progress photos?

Seriously, I will post mine when I lose 100 pounds. I know that sounds like poppycock and horse feathers, but let’s face it—I’m embarrassed about the weight I’d gained, and having only lost 34 pounds anyway, it’s almost to the scale of Abraham Lincoln losing his mole from his Mount Rushmore face. I cringed through the current progress photos (I have one taken every two weeks), and I can tell you that there’s not a major difference that you can see at this point anyway.

Trust me. I’m not hiding anything. You’ll see head-to-toe shots soon enough (you poor sucker!)

The conclusion, because this is about as long as something James Joyce would have written

You should enjoy Atkins. It starts out as a difficult change, and sometimes a chore, but low-carb dieting a la Atkins has been around for decades, and this is tried and true.

Ask questions, put a support system in place.

Look to accountability in any form in which it helps.

For me, I joined a not-for-profit weight loss group called TOPS. This group meets locally all over North America, and I know that facing that scale keeps me scared straight in a way that no online challenge ever has. If you need that kind of friendly support, look at tops.org for more information. Their plan is a high-carb one, but they welcome folks of all weight loss persuasions.

Ask questions. It’s important enough to mention twice. So many folks have paid it forward so that others can learn. We’ve all started out as noobs in one plan or another, and because of help we’ve been given, now we’re paying it forward.

It’s what friends do.

Remember: The only bad question is the one never asked.

Oopsie Roll Almost Tiramisu

This dessert is absolutely gorgeous and is something you would definitely be lucky to find in a fine restaurant. marymc outdid herself on this recipe!



marymc's Oopsie Roll Almost Tiramisu

Okay, set aside about a cup or so of your morning coffee, or make some from instant, but either way, let it cool down. Take your favorite Revolution Roll recipe (Cleo’s Oopsie would be an excellent choice) except add a teaspoon of vanilla and extra sweetener in with the yolks and cream cheese. I sweetened this one with one tablespoon of the DaVinci’s Delce de Leche and it was nowhere near sweet enough, so next time I may just do the Sugar Twin or Splenda instead, or add extra DaVinci’s. Blend together the yolks, vanilla, sweetener and cream cheese (or whatever you’re using) and of course, whip up your whites with the cream of tartar. I had doubled the original Dr. Atkins RR recipe, but it was really a bit much and made for a pretty thick “cake.” Maybe could have gotten by on a single recipe for a thinner layer. Fold the yolk mixture carefully into your whipped up whites as usual. Butter up a long (10 x 13” or so) baking pan really well and spread your batter in there, smoothing out the top. Bake at 300 degrees for about 45 minutes. I swear this smells like a cake baking!! Remove from the oven and let it cool thoroughly.

Once cooled, whip up about a cup of heavy cream, with sweetener - again I used DaVinci’s Delce de Leche, 2 tablespoons this time, and this was really good. I folded in some sour cream that I made out of pureed cottage cheese and lemon but think using mascarpone (which I will buy next time I try this) or even more cream cheese or store bought sour cream would’ve been much better here. The sweetness in the whipped cream was good with the 2 tablespoons. When your RR cake has cooled, slice it in half down the center and then divide each half into 8 fingers (4 long sections then sliced in half).

Butter a loaf pan and then line it with parchment paper, leaving some excess over the sides so that you have some handles to pull the dessert out with later. Using a hand held sieve, sprinkle a little bit of cocoa on top of the parchment paper. Quickly dip each cake finger into the coffee and layer them in the bottom of your pan. Spread some of the whipped topping blend on top of the cake fingers and sprinkle more cocoa on top of the cream layer. Continue layering with more coffee dipped fingers, whipped topping, and cocoa, for 2 to 3 layers (depends on your loaf pan size) and ending with a sprinkling of cocoa on top. Refrigerate overnight. Carefully lift dessert out of the pan, slice, serve and enjoy!

**notes: It looks pretty good doesn't it? Well, the "roll" part needed to be much, much sweeter, so I ended up sprinkling some Sugar Twin on that slice you see (which ended up being my breakfast ), and it needs some other tweaks and improvements, but that may take some time. I'm not sure of the carbs yet but this isn't something I want to make a major food group or anything!! So, in other words... it'll be awhile before I experiment with it again. Here's what I did.

Easy Flax Cracker

Flax cracker.
It's what's with dinner.

Flax crackers are one of my favorite things ever. If you saw the picture of the taco dip poised atop this flax cracker (above), you're going to slap yourself in the forehead (put the frying pan down first) and say, "Gadzooks! (because all cool folks say things like this, and 'huzzah'), and wonder why you'd never tried this before.

If you are a fan of Wasa crisp bread, and miss having something to hold your food, and want to even put your little pinky up in the air, because you're that cool eating one of these with the many savory toppings you could use, then have at it!

Pinkies up!

Flax Cracker Recipe

Layered Taco Dip

(pictures, top: Layered Taco Dip; Middle: Taco Dip with other Super Bowl items; Bottom: Taco dip on a flax cracker with Buffy Boneless spicy wings)


I had the most delicious Super Bowl ever! On the starting lineup, a layered taco dip. This is easy to make and great for you low-carb folks and families out there!


Layered Taco Dip

The recipe has been updated and moved to Examiner.com

Oopsie consolidation, Eli Manning, and Progress

Boop Boop Be D'oopsie

Requests by friends have been made to put oopsie recipes in one spot, preferably with pictures. I'm going to start doing this with permission of oopsie recipe folks from various boards, so it could take some time.

Still, if you check along the right side column, you'll already see the trappings of a conglomeration of recipes, both oopsie and non-oopsie.

I am going to re-learn HTML, and then I'll really be able to put links with words...together! In list form!

It's so 1999!



Eli Manning.

The man. The quarterback. The legend.

For you fan-tasty (a fortuitous typo, so I'm owning it because I've been up since 3:45 am) football adherents out there, he was one of my two quarterbacks. This also means I think he's pretty swell.

While he failed to deliver consistently during the season for my FF team hopes, he came through in the end, and with the drive of Jessica Simpson graduating from reading "ABC" books writing her own, even if hers started with "I are smart."



Don't make me come over there

So how did you do during the big game? Hopefully the only thing you nibbled vicariously was your finger nails and not chalupas during the fourth quarter.

I can't tell you how accountable I am this time around, in no small part due to TOPS. I hate going in with a gain, so I busted hump this week, after stalling out a little.

I ate a couple of extra chicken wings and a flax cracker chock full of the rocking taco dip (I'll include these recipes today after I upload pictures) I made, but I remembered TOPS and the fact that I had to hit the treadmill after the game. I put in a little extra exercise last night and I stayed faithfully on plan (not that it's hard when you get to eat boneless wings and taco dip!).

In short, the adipose gods were kind.

I'm down three more pounds this week.

No, You May Not Lick the Dog

There are questions parents should never need to ask, and then there are questions that should never necessitate an honest answer.

Burping is never allowed at the table, and it doesn't matter that in some cultures it is a compliment to the chef. In some cultures, they eat monkey brains, and I'm still not sure what we're looking at there in term of accoutrements, wines and appetizers. Does one go creamy with the soup, or more bisque-y?

No, we're not going to eat monkey brains.

I know you think everyone who comes to the door is holding a box of pizza, but he isn't.

I'm not psychic, but I see that you need to wear pants. That whole nudity thing isn't working for you too well.

Sledding down the stairs is not going to get you ready for Olympic louging. And while I appreciate that you, then, turned to body surfing down the stairs for entertainment, this is why I wanted to own a ranch-style home in the first place. That door there at the bottom of the stairs? That has potential energy. You, my sweet, have kinetic energy. And once the two of you meet, I have a feeling the force you expend upon that door is going to act on you in return. It's karmic physics. And it hurts.

Chapstick is not edible, no. No, it's not poisonous either. For someone who can't stand cherries, you seemed to consume my stick pretty darned fast.

I understand you feel an amazing amount of frustration at the situation right now. Still, holding out your hands and pretending that you're throttling your teacher isn't generally accepted as respectable. If it's a politician, then it's funny.

The pastor just called. Writing, "For a good time call" in the dirt of the minivan was a good one. Unfortunately, you smudged the numbers, and the pastor is receiving an inordinate amount of propositions of Biblical proportions.

No you can't have peanut butter sandwiches. If I have to eat the meatloaf I just made, so do you.

Yes, when you were a baby, you ate an entire package of Extra spearmint gum. The downside is that I panicked for nothing and was out a lot of gum. The good side? Your diaper contents never smelled more refreshing. And ooh! Light green! Minty.

I prefer you didn't drink the bathwater. Think rear end soup minus the spoon. And, no. I won't get you a spoon.

Beauty and the Feast

In the world of weight loss, there are so many success stories that folks tend to get lost in them like Imelda Marcos in her shoe closet. Some stand out, like Jared, of Subway, but slowly go stale like yesterday’s Italian bread. Due to the temporary nature of fame in public opinion, it’s easy to get lost out there.

Not so with Sheila Pike-Pereyra, a dainty giant in a burgeoning Atkins market. Unlike so many long-term success stories often glossed over due to misconception of the plan itself, or due to the ever-changing environment of both the internet and the general attention of the nation itself, Sugar-Free Sheila’s site (SugarFreeSheila.com) is as big now, six years later, as it was when the light first sparked to life.

While some celebrities smile and claim like a Patriots coach that the cheating did not hurt anyone and that everyone does it, Sheila admits she didn’t follow the Atkins rules the first time around (fall of '98) as closely as she could have (later, mid-2001) , and also admits that that by not understanding the rules of Atkins or by “cheating” you will never be able to spike the ball in the end zone and do your weight loss touchdown dance without the jiggle in the middle: “For almost a full month, it was all about processed deli meats, bacon because I thought it was somehow a requirement, chicken, fish, and beef, more than the 3-4 ounces of cheese recommended in the book, with a small iceberg lettuce salad as my bare-bones vegetable, and at least one low-carb bar and shake per day. Even with exercise, I didn’t lose an ounce and adamantly blamed my own folly on the program not working and being unhealthful.”

Aside from the fact that most morons like me don’t even know how to use the word “folly” in a sentence unless it has to do with someone forgetting the salsa before the half, the good news out there for folks who’ve been harangued for following Atkins more than Tony Romo for following Jessica Simpson is that there’s the right way to deliver a plan—and the wrong way to deliver Atkins or other low-carb plans to the vastly unwashed.

“I typically describe the way I eat followed by the name for it … and out of principle, I never omit the latter. Just as I eventually learned that Atkins isn’t all “butter and bacon with a side of butter and bacon,” other people should be given the opportunity if they ask questions as well. It is also worth noting that everyone from my general practitioner, dermatologist, dentist, gynecologist, and certainly the establishment that measured my body fat via hydrostatic weighing all nod in approval whenever I describe what foods I avoid and allow. To help gain understanding about this program if someone asks about it, don’t just say “Atkins” and drop the ball if someone asks – tell them what’s allowed and avoided! This takes me less than 5-10 seconds, and everyone wants to know more.”

Finally at goal and maintaining like Eli Manning these last few weeks, Sheila says that it’s not all the smell of victory and reporters. I “suppose I would consider myself an upgraded version of what I was before: more energetic yet relaxed and certainly more at ease now, more goal-oriented, more no-nonsense - self-assured before, but extremely confident now. I’m not hot like a furnace like I was before, too, which is nice!” Still, it’s not easy maintaining that post-Atkins body, and, like most maintainers out there, Sheila is working as much as she did during the weight loss phase.

“My so-called cross to bear is the fact that I do have to burn the candle at both ends in this regard to be where I want to be and stay there. I can cry about it and be 5 dress sizes heavier … or I can do what it takes. I’ve chosen the latter – and honestly, while I’m vigilant, I don’t consider this to be an actual challenge at all!

“While it is certainly better to now be able to incorporate more non-starchy veggies, low-glycemic fruits, and nuts, for me, Maintenance is no easier or more difficult than when I was losing. I am still every bit as stringent and cautious (okay, rigid) about what I put and will not put into my body as I was while losing, and feel that this has made the difference for me as far as staying in the same dress size. Just one example: I dine out very frequently, and there are certain restaurants, few as they are, that I decline to return to because no matter how “clean” I order my food there, I regardless wake up a pound or two heavier from water weight the following morning. The latest example of this was a sushi restaurant for a birthday party last weekend, where I ordered a sashimi salad – “no salt, no dressing” and visually very simply prepared. Maybe it was the MSG, but I was temporarily a pound and a half up the next morning, and annoyed. Ordering sashimi from my local sushi bar? For whatever reason, no problem there! So, being careful is a requisite for me and always will be.”

I wondered aloud to Sheila about maintenance also encompassing those huge steaks on her plate she’s generally pictured with like a pair of stretchy pants poises itself over a resting belly at Thanksgiving dinner.

“I always clean my plate. The only man I know who eats more than I do is my marathon-running dad. This is one of the things I find so great about Atkins: if fat restriction, calorie-counting, tiny portions, or doing anything more vigorous than brisk walking for cardio ever proved necessary for me to stay my size, I would be doing it.”

Who wouldn’t be doing it? Look at the woman! There are fewer steaks eaten by the entire Seattle Seahawks nickel defense, and Sheila has the looks of one of those cute Seagals rather than Lofa Tutupu or Julian Peterson.

Most importantly, when you have the attention of a beautiful lady with a smile so nice it could warm even Lambeau Field on a cold February morning, there’s only one question you ask her. And because she’s as generous as she’s likely to cause Brad Pitt to stammer, she responds without hesitation.

“I’ve never been into sports at all! My husband is from NY, so you can guess who he's rooting for.”

Giants. Good call.

You can’t take Sheila home (sorry, guys), but she’s here to give some tips for a successful Super Bowl party:

Anyone watching the game isn’t going to want to take their eyes off the screen, so it’s best to have lots of no-forks-required finger foods …

Sheila's Superbowl Grocery / To-Do List

No affiliations with any of the following products or companies. I've been at this since the summer of 2001, so I've learned a thing or two along the way!

• I am crazy about crabmeat, so a crab dip is a favorite. To make this, I whip up a packet or container of real crabmeat together with a 3-ounce cube of softened Philly cream cheese (I find this particular brand & size in supermarkets throughout the U.S., in the Caribbean, and even at Iceland supermarkets in Scotland, and Tesco in England), 2 large spoonfuls of sour cream, mayonnaise to taste, and plenty of pepper, onion, and garlic. This amount feeds only me as a snack, so feel free to multiply the recipe according to people served. (Tip: To find out whether your local grocery store carries real crabmeat or any specific food item, call ahead to save precious time & gas money.)
• Guacamole
• Spinach dip, artichoke dip - or spinach-artichoke dip!
• Supermarket veggie tray.
• Meat and cheese tray. These are typically pretty salty, so please proceed with caution!
• Since fruit platters often include fruits higher on the glycemic index than you might prefer, throw your own together!
• Nuts!
• Pork rinds - there are various flavors out there, too!
• Cheese chips
• Meat/cheese rollups dipped in mayo sweetened with a packet of Splenda so that it tastes like Miracle Whip. You can enjoy these either by themselves, or with Romaine lettuce leaves as makeshift bread!
• Deviled eggs
• Bacon-wrapped scallops. You can get these at Costco or find a good low-carb recipe online!
• Wasa crackers
• Meatballs
• WINGS!!! If you live near a Ralph's, please try their ready-made chicken wings!! They're in the deli with all the gourmet cheeses. Every time I'm in L.A., it's my first stop after In-N-Out Burger. I am quiet as a mouse when I eat these wings, I love them so much.
• If you're wondering what the lowest-carb full-fat bottled Ranch I've come across is (by any chance!), it's Ken's Steakhouse Buttermilk Ranch at ½ carb per tablespoon - or 1 total carb per ounce serving. Most of the other ones are 2 carbs per one-ounce serving, so I cut corners where I can. Tastes amazing, too.
• In a pinch, you can always order a pizza and eat only the toppings. FYI: One pizza place that offers non-sugary tomato sauce is Papa John's. I called and had them read the ingredients on the jar - as of 2003, no sugar at all, and even salt was pretty impressively far down the list.
• Hillshire Farm Lit'l Cheddar Smokies
• The single popcorn packs by Deerfield Farms, found at Walgreen's, are as low as 23 total carbs & 4 fibers for the whole 1.6-ounce bag.

This should get the party started!

Sheila's Low-Carb Post-Induction Peanut Butter Cookies:

1 cup peanut butter
2 T flax seed meal
1 cup granular Splenda
1 tsp. baking soda
1 large egg
3 shakes ground cinnamon (optional).

Directions: Mix together & form into little balls on greased cookie sheets. Press down "crossways" with fork for a true peanut butter cookie look. 350º for 10 minutes; allow a few minutes to cool. DONE. (These precious little nuggets crumble a bit, so handle with care!)

Sheila's Crispy Fried Chicken Nuggets:

1½ pounds chicken cutlets, cut into chunks
1 cup Eggbeaters
½ cup Kraft Parmesan cheese, tossed into Ziploc.

Directions: Dip cutlets in Eggbeaters in medium-sized mixing bowl, then transfer to Parmesan cheese Ziplock bag. Really mix that cheese thoroughly, in every nook & cranny. **Remember: the more grated Parmesan you get on the chicken, the crispier your nuggets are going to be! Fill pan halfway with oil, & keep heat at Medium-High. Dip cutlets slowly into pan (I use a deep sauteer as a makeshift!) & carefully flip once undersides are a light golden brown. Chicken is done once golden brown & stark-white on the inside - and looks almost "string-cheesy" when cut open. Enjoy - looks & tastes just like restaurant-fried chicken!!