You're probably thinking I'm a downright nutter for starting a Halloween topic now.
I'm hoping that you'll see the nougatty chewy section that is my reasoning as I begin, however, and won't toss mental candy apples in my direction.
We're going to start with this adage that I've altered somewhat due to language issues.
PPPPPP
Proper Planning Prevents Piddly and Poor Performance.
Planning ahead circumvents and prevents a lot of problems. You can anticipate problems you've had in the past, and start NOW to change those mental hangups and sabotaging efforts that tend to start to ruin your way of eating in the fall.
Start visualizing your successes and game plans to get throug those holidays NOW!
It all starts here for a lot of us, folks!
That said, let's talk strategies NOW for getting through Halloween, so as to prevent poor performance.
1) Take the kids and go do something fun instead of centering the holiday around candy. Holidays are about people and not food. So taking the kids (in costume if they wish) bowling or playing laser tag is not only healthy, but it's also a fun memory they'll remember, even long after the candy is gone.
2) Buy the kids' candy from them. Offer $.50 for the candybars and $.25 for everything else. Then toss the candy out or donate it to the food bank.
3) Give out slim jims for Halloween instead of candy. It's slightly healthier. You could also substitute with fruit snacks, peanuts, or other healthier options.
4) Give out toys or other non-edible items. Keeping the temptation out of the house is a great way to start fighting the temptation! We've been creating a major stir in the neighborhood with small packs of PlayDough. Target is selling them this year. Even the teenagers love them.
5) Buy candy only on the day of Halloween. If you really want to give out the candy, buy it the day of Halloween. This way the family won't eat it before that date.
6) Buy candy no one likes in your family. This way after Halloween, no one is tempted to eat it.
7) When the kids bring their candy home, bag it up into small baggies, each with a date on it. Let them have a bag per day (or every so often). Mini-bagging keeps you out of the open bag they brought home and it also keeps you accountable, because you're tying those bags shut. Would you really take candy from your children?
8) Buy each child their own bag of candy or a comparable toy instead of trick or treating, and spend the evening playing cards instead. If they like Snickers, buy them a bag of Snickers in lieu of going out for gobs and gobs of candy no one even likes. It can even be a small bag, or just a King-Sized candy bar. Take the onus off of the gathering of a huge stash of candy and instead have fun.
9) Take the Trick-Or-Treating time to talk with kids and enjoy the night air. Find leaves. What phase is the moon in?
10) Have a bonfire for Halloween. Tell scary stories and spend the evening together, huddled under blankets, being thankful for togetherness. (Make sure there are no flammable Halloween costumes near the fire).
If you have any other ideas for getting through this holiday, please share them! Education and planning NOW is the key! Be ready!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Mario Sunshine and a Fruit of the Loom Moon
A work buddy had just arrived to sweep my husband off to a Broncos victory this Sunday against the Steelers. Bob showed up on my doorstep dressed in a white 'away' jersey for the Steelers (who, as we well remember stole the Super Bowl from the Seahawks a couple of years ago). I did my duty and took turns booing the jersey and thanking Bob for taking my sweetie to the game while my husband ran upstairs to grab his charging cell phone.
My oldest son, age 15, recuperating from an ailment, was in his green boxer shorts and a band t-shirt. I wouldn't have otherwise noticed but he ran past me and squeaked, "I can't let Bob see me in my underwear!"
With that, the sliding glass door whooshed open and then shut, and my partially-naked son, who was afraid to be spied by company, stood outside on the deck, hopping from foot to foot and rubbing his hands together mouthing, "Is he gone, yet?"
Now, granted, I am not sure why he thought that was the safest place to be; anyone with eyes can see what's happening on our deck, from people walking their dogs, to the Hendersons who might be outside winterizing their pools and standing agape at the naked boy on the back deck dancing to be let back in. I'm sure at some point in the atmosphere, there are no less than 32 satellites who have global positioning systems set to seek teenagers with little common sense in cold weather. Oh, how the neighbors will love this one.
As John's hair flopped up and down on his head with each bounce and his cold breath hung in the air in visible puffs, I waved my husband out the door and then waved my son back in.
"What were you thinking?" I asked the freezing teen. "You know half of the neighborhood could see you out there doing the Fruit of the Loom jig in your altogethers."
"I was watching out for neighbors. Dude, it's all good."
It's all good.
He crept back in, and, rather than putting on pants, resumed his spot on the couch making " Pwoom Pwoom!" noises and playing Mario Sunshine.
I dared to ask a ridiculous question. What can I say? It was a weak moment. "Why don't you put pants on now?"
"Dude. I'm playing video games, mom. And I have no pants to put on."
"Y-you don't have pants?!"
I was beside myself, a double-wide mother in speechless shock; not only at the level of the use of "dude" as a viable interjection in the English language by my son, but (dude) I had been busily handling laundry for the last week-- straight. I'd been running the washing machine so much the UN had to drop-ship me fabric softener to avert a national incident such as scratchy skivvies or less than spring-fresh towelly goodness.
"OK, I have pants," he conceded. They're downstairs."
"So, you have pants, just not locally."
"Right.... HEY!" He turned when he heard me typing this piece, and then turned back to his game. "And you can write all you want about me without pants as you want to," remarked the back of his head. Then, in the manner befitting a teenager, he dismissed the kid next to him with a raucous, "Doug, you lazy bumkin! Go and get me some pants!"
Doug dutifully ran downstairs and fetched his lazy teenaged brother some pants.
Later that evening, my husband returned home from a Broncos victory, rosy-cheeked and brandishing about 8 orange-colored pompons (some game goers left theirs and he thought we needed them all. They are still on my dining room table).
Last I saw him, he was trotting down the stairs to the laundry room in his Broncos boxers. He answered my peer over the railing with a wave and a "Have... no... pants..."
Like father, like son-- Pantless in Denver like a nudist streaking across Invesco Field, but with one difference.
"You forgot to say 'Dude'!" I called down the stairs.
My oldest son, age 15, recuperating from an ailment, was in his green boxer shorts and a band t-shirt. I wouldn't have otherwise noticed but he ran past me and squeaked, "I can't let Bob see me in my underwear!"
With that, the sliding glass door whooshed open and then shut, and my partially-naked son, who was afraid to be spied by company, stood outside on the deck, hopping from foot to foot and rubbing his hands together mouthing, "Is he gone, yet?"
Now, granted, I am not sure why he thought that was the safest place to be; anyone with eyes can see what's happening on our deck, from people walking their dogs, to the Hendersons who might be outside winterizing their pools and standing agape at the naked boy on the back deck dancing to be let back in. I'm sure at some point in the atmosphere, there are no less than 32 satellites who have global positioning systems set to seek teenagers with little common sense in cold weather. Oh, how the neighbors will love this one.
As John's hair flopped up and down on his head with each bounce and his cold breath hung in the air in visible puffs, I waved my husband out the door and then waved my son back in.
"What were you thinking?" I asked the freezing teen. "You know half of the neighborhood could see you out there doing the Fruit of the Loom jig in your altogethers."
"I was watching out for neighbors. Dude, it's all good."
It's all good.
He crept back in, and, rather than putting on pants, resumed his spot on the couch making " Pwoom Pwoom!" noises and playing Mario Sunshine.
I dared to ask a ridiculous question. What can I say? It was a weak moment. "Why don't you put pants on now?"
"Dude. I'm playing video games, mom. And I have no pants to put on."
"Y-you don't have pants?!"
I was beside myself, a double-wide mother in speechless shock; not only at the level of the use of "dude" as a viable interjection in the English language by my son, but (dude) I had been busily handling laundry for the last week-- straight. I'd been running the washing machine so much the UN had to drop-ship me fabric softener to avert a national incident such as scratchy skivvies or less than spring-fresh towelly goodness.
"OK, I have pants," he conceded. They're downstairs."
"So, you have pants, just not locally."
"Right.... HEY!" He turned when he heard me typing this piece, and then turned back to his game. "And you can write all you want about me without pants as you want to," remarked the back of his head. Then, in the manner befitting a teenager, he dismissed the kid next to him with a raucous, "Doug, you lazy bumkin! Go and get me some pants!"
Doug dutifully ran downstairs and fetched his lazy teenaged brother some pants.
Later that evening, my husband returned home from a Broncos victory, rosy-cheeked and brandishing about 8 orange-colored pompons (some game goers left theirs and he thought we needed them all. They are still on my dining room table).
Last I saw him, he was trotting down the stairs to the laundry room in his Broncos boxers. He answered my peer over the railing with a wave and a "Have... no... pants..."
Like father, like son-- Pantless in Denver like a nudist streaking across Invesco Field, but with one difference.
"You forgot to say 'Dude'!" I called down the stairs.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Better-Than-Ever-Best-Yet Revoloopsie Rolls!
Have you ever made a recipe and then you went back and looked at it and then realized you biffed the recipe, but that it was better than the original?
I never fared well in chemistry. In high school, I was the only person Mr Ufus ever had who was able to cause an explosion by simply adding water to plaster of paris in a lab situation. Sorry, Mr U.
Still, sometimes those mistakes turn out to be (albeit less explosive) also more delicious.
That said, here is the real Revolution Roll recipe I have pictured with the Baconator sammich in another blog entry. What I didn't realize at the time was that my mistake made for a much more substantial roll with better flavor.
I realized my oopsie. Then I went back and attempted the original Revolution Roll recipe. What I encountered sans the extra cream cheese was a very dry and crumbly roll that tasted more metalic and less rich. I was disappointed!
That said, I set out to recreate the first recipe I biffed, and the results were so amazing that my husband ate half of them, plain. He loves them and is now converting from eating hamburger buns! WOW!
No, this isn't an infomercial for messing up recipes, and no, my husband isn't a lush when it comes to low-carbing. This man is a hard-sell.
That said, here, in its entirety, with new notes, is...
Here, at Examiner.com!
I never fared well in chemistry. In high school, I was the only person Mr Ufus ever had who was able to cause an explosion by simply adding water to plaster of paris in a lab situation. Sorry, Mr U.
Still, sometimes those mistakes turn out to be (albeit less explosive) also more delicious.
That said, here is the real Revolution Roll recipe I have pictured with the Baconator sammich in another blog entry. What I didn't realize at the time was that my mistake made for a much more substantial roll with better flavor.
I realized my oopsie. Then I went back and attempted the original Revolution Roll recipe. What I encountered sans the extra cream cheese was a very dry and crumbly roll that tasted more metalic and less rich. I was disappointed!
That said, I set out to recreate the first recipe I biffed, and the results were so amazing that my husband ate half of them, plain. He loves them and is now converting from eating hamburger buns! WOW!
No, this isn't an infomercial for messing up recipes, and no, my husband isn't a lush when it comes to low-carbing. This man is a hard-sell.
That said, here, in its entirety, with new notes, is...
Here, at Examiner.com!
Friday, October 12, 2007
Up Yours!
If you're like me, you've been exercising, but you're always looking for a way to maximize your workout.
My friend 2big and my father-in-law told me to put my treadmill on an incline, so I reluctantly did.
Why incline?
Speaking in terms of physics, the body doesn't do work when you're moving the same weight over a constant distance from the ground; however, when you move a weight on an incline, your body is constantly doing work.
Think about it: is it more work to move your body along a hallway or up a flight of stairs? The same principle applies to walking on an incline (aka alpine walking).
Better news? You don't have to put your treadmill on a steep incline to burn more fat. In many cases, a lower incline on a lower speed burns more calories than walking faster on a 0 incline! It's so easy to "up" fat burning through incline...
... so "up" yours!
My friend 2big and my father-in-law told me to put my treadmill on an incline, so I reluctantly did.
Why incline?
Speaking in terms of physics, the body doesn't do work when you're moving the same weight over a constant distance from the ground; however, when you move a weight on an incline, your body is constantly doing work.
Think about it: is it more work to move your body along a hallway or up a flight of stairs? The same principle applies to walking on an incline (aka alpine walking).
Better news? You don't have to put your treadmill on a steep incline to burn more fat. In many cases, a lower incline on a lower speed burns more calories than walking faster on a 0 incline! It's so easy to "up" fat burning through incline...
... so "up" yours!
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Thank you, GinaC
Gina made this for me and it made me laugh out loud.
Now if only my boards allowed avatars this big. *sniff*
I'm posting it here because it is too awesome to not post somewhere.
From your Avenger with the slimming ankles,
signing off from somewhere inside of Justicetown
Friday, October 05, 2007
4500 views! Thank you!
I feel like you are all family to me, and today this blog has reached 4500 posts in a relatively short period of time.
I want you to know that I love you as much as is socially inawkward and that I appreciate your friendship!
I am excited for so many reasons these days.
I hope you have as much to be excited about, and that as move into autumn, you count your blessings. I know I'm blessed to know you.
Some weekend thoughts:
1. If you have a pizza night this weekend, don't forget to try the flat-out pizzas! If you order pizza, just scrape off the topings and throw the crust away. Think of it as lasagne. It really is delicious!
2. Don't forget to exercise, even if it is for a few minutes this weekend. Making it a lifelong habit is worth the effort. Rent a movie and walk on the treadmill! t's fun, and you'll forget you're exercising.
3. Buy non-candy treats for Halloween. Don't bring candy into the house thinking you're going to stay away from it. Someone always opens the bag! If you must buy now to avoid the rush, buy the Playdough at Target. Kids (even teens) love the stuff.
4. Do something for you. Weekends are hectic for a lot of people. Just because you feel you're playing catchup for the next 48 hours doesn't mean you can't take some time for yourself.
5. There is no number 5. I was just on a roll.
Have a great weekend, play in the leaves, and count your blessings!
Your slimming friend,
Jamie
I want you to know that I love you as much as is socially inawkward and that I appreciate your friendship!
I am excited for so many reasons these days.
I hope you have as much to be excited about, and that as move into autumn, you count your blessings. I know I'm blessed to know you.
Some weekend thoughts:
1. If you have a pizza night this weekend, don't forget to try the flat-out pizzas! If you order pizza, just scrape off the topings and throw the crust away. Think of it as lasagne. It really is delicious!
2. Don't forget to exercise, even if it is for a few minutes this weekend. Making it a lifelong habit is worth the effort. Rent a movie and walk on the treadmill! t's fun, and you'll forget you're exercising.
3. Buy non-candy treats for Halloween. Don't bring candy into the house thinking you're going to stay away from it. Someone always opens the bag! If you must buy now to avoid the rush, buy the Playdough at Target. Kids (even teens) love the stuff.
4. Do something for you. Weekends are hectic for a lot of people. Just because you feel you're playing catchup for the next 48 hours doesn't mean you can't take some time for yourself.
5. There is no number 5. I was just on a roll.
Have a great weekend, play in the leaves, and count your blessings!
Your slimming friend,
Jamie
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Gourmet Flat Out Flatbread Pizza
I am a major fan of pizza. For me, I can eat just the toppings; or, for only 8 net carbs, I can use a Flat-Out low-carb wrap as a crust.
Cleochatra's Gourmet Flat-Out Pizza
1 Flat-Out wrap (I prefer Italian seasoning or plain)
Classico Sun-Dried Tomato Alfredo
pepperoni
spinach leaves
artichoke hearts
black olives
purple onion
mushroom
fresh cherry tomato, diced
feta
pine nuts (pignioli)
string cheese
Preheat the oven to 350.
Place the Flat-Out wrap on an ungreased baking sheet. Spread with 1/4 cup of alfredo. Top with pepperoni, spinach, artichoke hearts, black olives, chopped onion, mushrooms and fresh tomato. Crumble feta over the top sparingly. Sprinkle a few pine nuts. Peel string cheese and distribute the strings across the top. Bake for about 8 minutes. Let cool on the sheet. Cut into fourths, and serve.
As you can see, one half of a pizza is a lot of food! It is extremely delicious and low on the glycemic load end of things.
Even with a blood sugar as wonky as mine, this meal doesn't make me hungry, and gives me a very satisfied feeling of having had a full-fledged gourmet pizza! You don't need a lot of toppings to really load up your pizza, either. Everything has so much zip and kick, and the flavors really meld together beautifully!
What is your favorite Flat-Out pizza combination?
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
You don't have to have a bunless burger...
*** note! Please read this entry regarding how I oopsied the following recipe and ended up with something even better! The following recipe is the original, but my recipe is mo' bettah and the one pictured (I didn't realize at the time that I biffed the recipe)...
One of my weaknesses is the Wendy's Baconator Sandwich. Still, at more carbs than I care to admit to, the bun is an ultimate evil; and, unfortunately, I just don't like my Wendy's burger without a bun.
Thanks to a mistake I made when making the Dr Atkins Revolution Rolls, I don't have to deal with this bunless ordeal any longer.
Not only do my version of the Atkins Revolution rolls hold up to a burger as hefty as a Wendy's Baconator, but it doesn't fall apart, is surprisingly sturdy, but isn't eggy in flavor. It was as though I still had my bun. My fingers never became greasy, and the bread didn't crumble in my hands.
This is the miracle you've been waiting for. Whether your poison is a Wendy's burger or a Red Robin guacamole burger, you can sub out their high-carb buns for these babies.
Life shouldn't be about total deprivation; but if you're going to low-carb it, make some of my Revoloopsie Rolls in advance and have them ready to go when the mood strikes you.
Look here for the recipe I accidentally stumbled upon when messing up the Atkins recipe! It's way better... More... supple...
Holy Diet Fraud, Batman!
What do you guys think about this?
KTLA is doing a two-part expose on the Kimkins diet, and had Kimmer, herself, on video!
Who is that woman in the red dress? KTLA reports that it certainly isn't Heidi Diaz, the founder of the Kimkins Diet!
http://ktla.trb.com/news/local/
KTLA is doing a two-part expose on the Kimkins diet, and had Kimmer, herself, on video!
Who is that woman in the red dress? KTLA reports that it certainly isn't Heidi Diaz, the founder of the Kimkins Diet!
http://ktla.trb.com/news/local/
Monday, October 01, 2007
The Super Model's Guide to Football
Until now, many a woman has spent Super Bowl Sunday shopping, Sunday afternoons shopping, or fantasy football draft days, well, shopping, but now a popularity in the sport has brought more otherwise unaffected ladies into the excitement that is the National Football League.
With the press surrounding Jeff Garcia's super model wife like a toupee on George Costanza, it seems that there are more athletes married to women in the high fashion industry than was previously realized.
For those of you who might be reading this while taking a break from shopping, I have compiled a comprehensive list of things that super model wives of football stars may discuss when partaking in the excitement of the game.
So listen up, commissioner, Roger Goodell! Here are some ideas from the world's skinniest:
Oh my God! His butt looks so huge! I'd die.
Football players aren't totally adiposed out and cottage cheesy. Men wear padding so that they won't hurt themselves from all of the on-field spanking. While we spend our time eradicating any types of padding, both vis a vis girdles and thigh creams, these guys want the badonkadonk. Besides, it makes their thighs look slimmer.
Someone needs to tell him. Really. White after Labor Day? PLEASE.
The home team usually wears the dark and slimming colors. So if you are visiting the stadium, you have to be the ones who are commiting the tacky death of wearing white after Labor Day. While it does nothing for their hips, that's the beauty of it. Look fat, play badly. Of course, they can try to make with the wide-angled lenses and no salty foods before the game, but let's face it-they look fat. Which also accounts for the home team always being favored by at least three points. And no panty lines. What could be better? As for the white, there's really nothing those guys can do. Hopefully, they have the decency to at least not wear white platform footwear.
Why do they hit each other on the butt?
They are spanking each other for less good plays. Hugging is reserved for really good plays like touchdowns and turnovers.
Why do they wear those towels in their pants?
After they spank each other for less good plays, they wipe their hands off. Nobody wants man-butt hands all over the ball.
Face Masks should be encouraged.
There is nothing worse than being in Mile High Stadium with a flaky chin. A touchdown is spiked, and the camera pans in. Dry patch! Face it. Those chin straps chafe. A total skin regimen feels so nice and it takes a few years off of their faces. I also think face masks should be given at every game. I don't know why they penalize those poor guys for wanting smaller pores.
Who cares about your team? The Boston Colts aren't good anyway.
You have to know which teams you are rooting for. Hint: your husband wears the jersey which shows the team you are supposed to support during the game. When in doubt, yell, "Go team!" Though, while you're at it, I also want to put a shout out against the Dallas Oilers (nobody likes a shiny t-zone) and the Cincinnati Bagels. I mean, named after a bread. What ever! I'm low-carbing.
Oh! OH! Foul! I think that should be a do-over.
There is nothing worse than seeing a play the referee didn't call. Like when it is so rude to catch the other team's ball. That shouldn't be allowed. The one guy had it and threw it and here is some guy trying to take it away. And if they strip the ball, that can be so embarrassing. The poor pig already lost its skin and now they're taking it off of the ball? That should stop immediately.
If all they have to do is put the ball in the end zone, why don't they just do it?
I mean, you pay these guys tens of thousands of dollars, they have that like totally big field, and all they do is run into each other. Do they realize how silly they look? Frankly, if I was out there, I would run away. Those big guys like to knock people down. And if they can't run any faster than that, they should have to go on a diet. If you ate all those Cincinnati Bagels and had to wear white fatty pad pants, you'd probably be totally slow, too.
Look at that big fat guy! Does he not know he won't get a home run if he doesn't put down the cheeseburgers?
Football players don't score home runs. They score TD's --which, incidentally, stands for 'Totally Desirable', because everybody wants one. But get this; if he gets a free throw, he gets an extra two points!
With the press surrounding Jeff Garcia's super model wife like a toupee on George Costanza, it seems that there are more athletes married to women in the high fashion industry than was previously realized.
For those of you who might be reading this while taking a break from shopping, I have compiled a comprehensive list of things that super model wives of football stars may discuss when partaking in the excitement of the game.
So listen up, commissioner, Roger Goodell! Here are some ideas from the world's skinniest:
Oh my God! His butt looks so huge! I'd die.
Football players aren't totally adiposed out and cottage cheesy. Men wear padding so that they won't hurt themselves from all of the on-field spanking. While we spend our time eradicating any types of padding, both vis a vis girdles and thigh creams, these guys want the badonkadonk. Besides, it makes their thighs look slimmer.
Someone needs to tell him. Really. White after Labor Day? PLEASE.
The home team usually wears the dark and slimming colors. So if you are visiting the stadium, you have to be the ones who are commiting the tacky death of wearing white after Labor Day. While it does nothing for their hips, that's the beauty of it. Look fat, play badly. Of course, they can try to make with the wide-angled lenses and no salty foods before the game, but let's face it-they look fat. Which also accounts for the home team always being favored by at least three points. And no panty lines. What could be better? As for the white, there's really nothing those guys can do. Hopefully, they have the decency to at least not wear white platform footwear.
Why do they hit each other on the butt?
They are spanking each other for less good plays. Hugging is reserved for really good plays like touchdowns and turnovers.
Why do they wear those towels in their pants?
After they spank each other for less good plays, they wipe their hands off. Nobody wants man-butt hands all over the ball.
Face Masks should be encouraged.
There is nothing worse than being in Mile High Stadium with a flaky chin. A touchdown is spiked, and the camera pans in. Dry patch! Face it. Those chin straps chafe. A total skin regimen feels so nice and it takes a few years off of their faces. I also think face masks should be given at every game. I don't know why they penalize those poor guys for wanting smaller pores.
Who cares about your team? The Boston Colts aren't good anyway.
You have to know which teams you are rooting for. Hint: your husband wears the jersey which shows the team you are supposed to support during the game. When in doubt, yell, "Go team!" Though, while you're at it, I also want to put a shout out against the Dallas Oilers (nobody likes a shiny t-zone) and the Cincinnati Bagels. I mean, named after a bread. What ever! I'm low-carbing.
Oh! OH! Foul! I think that should be a do-over.
There is nothing worse than seeing a play the referee didn't call. Like when it is so rude to catch the other team's ball. That shouldn't be allowed. The one guy had it and threw it and here is some guy trying to take it away. And if they strip the ball, that can be so embarrassing. The poor pig already lost its skin and now they're taking it off of the ball? That should stop immediately.
If all they have to do is put the ball in the end zone, why don't they just do it?
I mean, you pay these guys tens of thousands of dollars, they have that like totally big field, and all they do is run into each other. Do they realize how silly they look? Frankly, if I was out there, I would run away. Those big guys like to knock people down. And if they can't run any faster than that, they should have to go on a diet. If you ate all those Cincinnati Bagels and had to wear white fatty pad pants, you'd probably be totally slow, too.
Look at that big fat guy! Does he not know he won't get a home run if he doesn't put down the cheeseburgers?
Football players don't score home runs. They score TD's --which, incidentally, stands for 'Totally Desirable', because everybody wants one. But get this; if he gets a free throw, he gets an extra two points!
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